Russell Wilson’s Penis Made the Sports Illustrated Cover
The cover of Sports Illustrated is still a magical place, a last bastion of print journalism power in a digital world. A place where we pause to reflect on the biggest thing currently happening in the sporting universe, knowing it will be frozen in time for generations to come.
This week’s cover featuring Colin Kaepernick and Russell Wilson will be memorable for a weird reason: the Seattle Seahawks quarterback’s penis.
The impressive bulge is front and center, just stealing the spotlight from Kaep’s oiled-up abdominal muscles without apology.
Wearing snug pants is clearly working for Wilson. The lack of blood flowing to his most important body part keeps him alert and focused. Kudos to him for doing anything in the pursuit of winning.
Wilson’s penis is currently rocketing up fantasy football draft boards and experts are predicting a breakout year. Or a breakthrough year. Make sure to get your hands on him before someone else does.