Ever wonder how your favorite celebs drop weight for movie roles? Wanna know how much gym time they put in for killer abs? Well, many of them resort to workouts and diets that are just plain disgusting. Here are some of the craziest.
Everyone’s favorite sex symbol had a breakfast ritual that included milk with two raw eggs. She later died of salmonella. I maybe made that up.
If apple cider vinegar gives you breasts like that, then we should secretly inject it into tampons and pads.
23 Adriana Lima, protein shake bonanza
Before a Victoria’s Secret show, Adriana Lima rids herself of all solid food in favor of protein shakes. That’s it. Nothing except vitamins and protein. Bet her farts smell like roses.
To prepare for her role in Underworld Awakening, Kate Beckinsale worked out 7 days a week. And she did a lot of yoga. And here is a GIF of her bending over.
21 Mariah Carey, bleak diet
Mariah keeps her voluptuous figure by eating foods with no salt, spices or sugar. That’s a crappy way to go about life. I’d rather be fat and ugly. Snooki, care to weigh in here?
205 Mel B, workout sex
Mel B once told George Lopez that she keeps in shape by having sex five times a day. This should be the workout for everyone, everywhere. Except kids and virgins.
19 Gwyneth Paltrow, two liters of water a day
Hey you guys, remember when that one publication named Gwyneth Paltrow the most beautiful woman in the world. Yea, that was funny. Perhaps she reached the pinnacle of beauty because she drinks two liters of water a day? Or because she only eats quinoa. Who knows. Gwyneth is so much smarter than the rest of us so we should bow to her infinite wisdom.
You know how they say milk does a body good. Well, watercress does breasts good. Just ask Elizabeth Hurley who swears by a vitamin rich soup packed with watercress, onions and this sounds gross already.
Whatever Demi Moore’s doing seems to work. If that means eating raw foods with a healthy side of botox, so be it. Botulism never hurt anyone.
To prepare for her role in Just Go With It, Aniston ate 14 portions of pureed baby food a day…and I just threw up in my mouth.
Renne Zellweger keeps her figure by getting drunk and chewing on ice cubes. It gives her the sensation of eating without actually eating. Judging from this GIF, she also does drugs. Lots of them. But that’s a whole other diet.
14 Beyonce, colonic irrigation
Colonic irrigation involves fluid sent into your anus, also referred to as Friday night by the looser ladies.
When Kidman wants to shed some weight she goes with one egg for breakfast, one for lunch and two for dinner. If she’s feeling extra spicy that day she’ll add another egg. What’s that? Somebody farted. No, that’s just Nicole’s breath.
12 Jennifer Lopez, grapefruit diet
To curb her appetite, J-Lo sniffs grapefruit extract. Jenny from the block would not approve of this diva shit.
11 Christian Bale, tuna and an apple
Tuna and apples go together like peanut butter and jelly, amirite? Bale used the combo for 3 straight months to drop weight. And “I’m Batman.”
10 Kim Catrall, fish 3 times a day
Kim Catrall of Sex and the City fame eats fish 3 times a day. It’s a natural way to give yourself a facelift. This is just another reminder that people in Hollywood are stupid.
9 Sarah Michelle Gellar, cabbage soup
You know what’s disgusting? The cabbage soup diet. You know what’s not disgusting? Sarah Michelle Gellar. I’m torn here.
7 days, 7 colors—white, red, green, orange purple, yellow and then you mix all of them together on that last day and I can’t believe people adhere to this shit. But hey, nice moves Christina.
Natalie Portman worked out 5-8 hours a day for an entire year to prepare for Black Swan. She’s also a vegan. She’s also the perfect woman but I digress.
6 Jake Gyllenhaal, parkour
Gyllenhaal went through a grueling parkour boot camp for his role in Prince of Persia. Parkour is basically walking and jumping in extreme fashion. Fat camp sounds more fun.
5 Anne Hathaway, dried oatmeal paste
To make herself look deathly anorexic in Les Miserables, Anne Hathaway ate two thin squares of dried oatmeal paste a day. I don’t know what oatmeal paste is and frankly, I’m not sure I want to.
4 January Jones, placenta diet
Nope, not even gonna explain this one. I heard the story of Tom Cruise eating placenta and I’ve yet to recover.
3 Steve Harvey, 21 pounds in 21 days
Steve Harvey’s 21 pounds in 21 days is a fancy way of saying he used a juicing diet. Fruit and veggies that is, not steroids. Though I believe the latter would also give you results.
Victoria Beckham was notorious for telling the Spice Girls what to eat and how much to work out. She recently added facial yoga to her repertoire. Facial yoga is something a crazy lady made up because her face broke into a sweat yelling at her husband. I didn’t make that up. That’s fact. Look it up.
1 Gerard Butler, 300 workout
I’m simply going to post this and then pass out: “Butler performs 25 pullups, 50 deadlifts with 135 pounds, 50 pushups, 50 jumps on a 24-inch box, 50 floor wipers (*3), 50 single-arm clean-and-presses using a 36-pound kettle bell, and 25 more pullups.”
(Previously published on May 22, 2013.)