The 50 Types of Booze Everyone Drinks in College

by 7 years ago

You can pretend not to care about college life but you would only be lying to yourself. What is not to love about college? Women, partying, more women, football, road trips, even more women, and, the best part of it all, the booze.

Booze and college go together like bikinis and suntans. We all love women but the booze is what we will always remember. How many stories from college do you remember that involves women compared to the stories that involve booze?

After consulting with a few of the finest college bartenders around, we have put together a list of booze every college kid consumes using a highly classified mathematical formula that considers ABV, alcohol by volume, cost, proof, type, origin, and mascot.

Wait, mascot? So maybe it isn’t that complicated of a formula. But the math remains and the list begins. Enjoy.

50.) Rumple Minze Peppermint Schnapps ($24.99/750ml)

Rumple Minze is the bottle you end up buying for the ladies. They love this crap. The peppermint flavor is so refreshing it will make you feel like you are in the Rockies. Did we mention it was 100 proof? So don’t be fooled with the minty flavor, this thing packs a punch.

49.) Olde English 800 ($2.99/40oz)

Malt liquor’s are perfect for college students because it gives you just enough of a high without having to break the bank. The flavor isn’t anything to brag about but when you remember that you only had to shell out a few bucks for a 40-oz bottle of Olde English 800, it tastes that much sweeter.

48.) Rittenhouse Rye Whiskey ($23.99/750ml)

Rye whiskey gets its’ name from the amount of rye, 51%, used in the liquor. But college kids could care less about what type of whiskey they are consuming or how rye whiskey is made, they just care about whether or not it is cost effective.  When it comes to 100 proof whiskeys, this is easily one of the best for any student.

47.) Red Dog Beer ($7.49/12 pack)

There is nothing much to Red Dog beer. It is basically soda water with a kick. But since you are willing to save the money you don’t have anyways, this is the beer you need to start buying. Don’t waste time on the expensive stuff, use all that saved cash to buy condoms or food.

46.) Jim Beam Whiskey ($15.99/750ml)

The only reason Jim Beam Whiskey exists is for college kids. If there were no college, there would be no more Jim Beam Whiskey. Sure, they would sell their other products but not this one. You get what you pay for in Jim Beam and nothing will change about that. This liquor serves one purpose, to be sold to poor college kids that are just looking for a quick buzz.

45.) Duggan’s London Dry Gin ($8.99/Liter)

London isn’t known for its alcohol selections but when it comes to Gin, London is King in a land of fairies and frogs. Gin is to college kids as grass is to meat. Duggan’s isn’t a top choice for college students but because of its’ low cost, it sells just fine.

44.) Schlitz Beer ($8.99/12-pack)

The name says it all. Schlitz beer sounds like a crappy beer. Just saying the name makes us feel less like an adult and more like a high school kid using a fake ID to buy booze. But guess what, It is actually not that bad. In fact, of all the crap out there, this beer is decent enough to become a lifetime Schlitz member.

43.) Bacardi 151 ($24.99/750ml)

How else are you going to start a fire in your drink? Bacardi 151 should only be used as a shot you add to your drink. Don’t even attempt to drink this stuff on its own without supervision. This will not only level you within minutes, it will kill you so proceed with caution.

42.) White Horse Whiskey ($14.99/750ml)

When the moment comes that you are ready to declare your manhood, drink White Horse. It is the only scotch we would suggest for college kids to sample. It isn’t expensive so you can save the cash and still feel as elegant as a snob on 5th Avenue.

41.) Corona Light ($13.99/12-pack)

Whenever we see someone buy a Corona Light and do that whole lime insertion and bottle flip, our first thoughts are to walk over to that person and tap the top of their bottle. We don’t suggest you do this, but if it happens to you, you probably shouldn’t be drinking beer with a slice of lime.

40.) Maker’s Mark ($29.99/750ml)

Maker’s Mark has the greatest packaging of any type of booze on this list. The red wax seal on the bottle is so unique; it will make you feel like a pirate. This is also very strong so make sure you brought your big boy pants when you drink this one. Also, check out the prices on this puppy, they are usually high but the purchase is easily worth it.

39.) Everclear 190 ($15.99/750ml)

Everclear serves one purpose in life, to completely mess you up. There isn’t another liquor on the market that can match the power of Everclear. There is only 5% water and 95% alcohol in Everclear. In case you needed to visualize how strong that is, imagine being pushed off the Empire State building and moments before you hit the ground someone punches you in the nuts.

38.) Grey Goose ($29.99/750ml)

For some odd reason Grey Goose made the list and we don’t even know how. This is by far the most expensive vodka any college kid on a budget will end up buying, however, it is so popular on college campuses, it had to make an appearance. Do not waste your time unless you are seriously desperate to impress the ladies. (Trust us, they don’t care what type of alcohol they get from you just as long as they do not have to pay.)

37.) Carlo Rossi Jug-O-Wine ($13.99/4 Liters)

You are not going to find too many wine drinkers in college except for the ladies. However, when times are tough and money is an issue, purchasing a jug of wine is perfect for the inner Gladiator in us all. Not to mention, you get 4 freaking liters for under $15.

36.) Burnett’s Vodka ($14.99/750ml)

The only good thing anyone could say about Burnett’s Vodka is that it is cheap. The taste is similar to swallowing fire so do not attempt to drink this straight up. You need to mix this with something else to wash out the disgusting flavor of it.

35.) 211 Steel Reserve ($1.79/40oz)

If you are looking for a bargain, it doesn’t get much better than Steel Reserve. Of all the malt liquor’s you might end up drinking in college, this is the one that you have to be careful with. It will take only one 40-oz Steel Reserve to take care of business after a long week of studying. Trust us on this one.

34.) Aristocrat Vodka ($6.99/750ml)

Heaven Hill Distilleries is a Kentucky based company that makes a few of the cheap vodkas you will read about on this list. Aristocrat is nothing more than cheap, and by cheap we mean strippers on a Monday afternoon cheap, vodka with a smudge of flavor. If you want to enjoy the taste of vodka, find another drink because this one is not going to do the job.

33.) Wild Turkey 101 ($21.99/750ml)

The stories that come from a night of drinking Wild Turkey 101 are so great; they require us to retell them. One moment I was drinking a bottle of Wild Turkey, the next I was waking up on the second story of a one-story apartment looking for Charlie Brown’s friend Garfield.

32.) Southern Comfort ($15.99/750ml)

Southern Comfort is from the great city of New Orleans but the fact that it comes from a town known for its high consumption of liquor doesn’t guarantee flavor. Southern Comfort is about as tasty as gasoline. At least it feels that way on the way down. Don’t ask what it feels like when it comes back up.

31.) Blue Moon ($7.99/6-pack)

There is nothing we can say about Blue Moon that is negative. This is great beer for any college kid that is looking to step up from the piss water they left in the keg. It might not be the best beer in the industry but dammit this beer is good and worth you money.

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30.) Vladimir Vodka ($13.99/750ml)

Speaking of great tasting alcohol, Vladimir Vodka is not one of them. We spent a long time coming up with ways to say this was great vodka for the price but we always ended up remembering what it did to our intestines. Do yourself a favor, work more hours and buy something better.

29.) Seagram’s Extra Dry Gin ($12.99/750ml)

Gin is always going to be better when mixed with dry vermouth. James Bond drinks it. That should be the only reason you make this purchase, to feel like you are channeling your inner James Bond. Seagram’s might not be Gordon’s but it’ll work.

28.) Evan Williams Whiskey ($15.99/Liter)

Evan Williams is known for one thing, whiskey. And in Kentucky, a state where whiskey is king, Evan Williams is one of the biggest names. It has been considered one of the better cheap whiskeys and after a blind taste test, we concur. And by blind we mean we all had too many shots of Everclear and could not see shit when we tried it out. But it is still one of the better tasting brands on the list.

27.) Old Crow Bourbon ($15.99/Liter)

Is it strong? Yes. Is it cheap? Yes. Does it taste good? Uh, did we mention it was strong and cheap? This Bourbon whiskey is for all those kids out there just looking to expand their horizons. Not broaden them, just expand.

26.) Busch Light ($9/12-pack)

We have little to say that doesn’t end with, this sucks. So we will keep this short and sweet, this beer sucks. It tastes good sometimes. Like when you are drunk and looking for a ride home and the only thing you have left is a Busch Light to drink.

25.) Banker’s Club Vodka ($6.99/Liter)

Look at the price. Now look at the liquor. Now go back and look at the price again. You don’t even get what you pay for with this drink. It is not worthless, it is simply terrible. Drink at your own risk.

24.) El Jimador Tequila Reposado ($22.99/750ml)

There will never come a time when you order tequila at a bar and someone doesn’t shout, “Tequila!” So make sure to drink this crap at home before the bar. You can pre-game the crap out of this tequila. It is actually pretty good too.

23.) Mike’s Hard Lemonade ($12.99/12-pack)

If you drink Mike’s Hard Lemonade, two things are about to happen. One, you are going to have a fit when we say it sucks. Two, you are going to punch a pillow after you get your nails done because no real man drinks this crap unless a woman buys it for him and sex is the end result. That is a man law, look it up.

22.) Pabst Blue Ribbon ($8.75/12-pack)

Pabst Blue Ribbon, or PBR as it is called around here, is one of the most underrated beers on the cheap market. If you could formulate a recipe for cheap beer, it would suck but somehow PBR has figured out how to make cheap beer taste good.

21.) Skol Vodka ($12.99/1.75ml)

There is no disguising the flavor of this vodka, it plain stinks. We would only use this stuff to burn the paint off a car. It is that bad. Take a shot of Skol when it is hot and we will personally drive you home that night because you will be tossing up anything you ate the past three days. But since it is college sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

20.) Franzia Box-O-Wine ($13.99/5 liters)

If you still doubt the presence of wine on campus, go back and start asking around. The results might shock you. Sure, the guys aren’t going to be spending too much time chugging wine but where else can you carry around a freaking box of wine with a straw and not be considered a douche?

19.) Sobieski Vodka ($20.95/1.75 Liters)

Anyone else getting tired of hearing about bad tasting vodka? Well, here is another. Sobieski vodka is cheap and bad. We had to go out and do some research on this one. After about three shots, things got out of control. Maybe next time we don’t use plastic beer cups for the shot glasses.

18.) Keystone Light ($8.49/12-pack)

Keith Stone is one of the greatest ideas for a mascot for a beer that feeds off the bottom shelves of gas stations across the flyover states. If not for him, no one would be drinking this stuff outside of the broke college students.

17.) Popov Vodka ($7.99/Liter)

Yes, more vodka that costs less than the socks on your feet. In fact, Popov vodka is not bottom shelf vodka, it is much worse. Is there something we can call vodka that a hobo looking for alcohol on the street wouldn’t even drink?

16.) Milwaukee's Best ($7.99/12-pack)

As far as cheap beer goes, this is the best. Keep in mind being the best cheap beer is like being the fastest runner at Dunkin Donuts. However, this beer does taste good enough to consider drinking more than once. You will end up saving some cash too.

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15.) Jagermeister ($21.99/750ml)

Cough medicine. That is exactly what Jagermeister tastes like when you drink it straight up. But be careful, this is 70-proof and will fool you at first.

14.) Mad Dog 20/20 ($3.99/40oz)

Nope, moving on. Unless you want to hear how Mad Dog 20/20 will change your life, you might want to avoid it at all costs. But sometimes you need to take charge of your life and drinking one of these will get you loaded in a hurry.

13.) Taaka ($8.99/1.75ml)

Taaka vodka. What a great name for vodka. What happened? Did they run out of names on the first day of training? The name is terrible but the flavor is much worse. It is nearly impossible to find a way to describe such horrible vodka.

12.) Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 ($16.99/750ml)

No one does it better than Jack. When it comes to domestic whiskey you will not find a better brand with a better flavor for a better price. Jack Daniel’s carried a few of us through some tough times and it will continue to help college kids deal with finals.

11.) Skyy  ($17.99/750ml)

Skyy vodka is an original and one of the best on the market since 1992. We have said this before but when you need to make a cheap vodka purchase, sometimes the cheapest in the store isn’t the best choice. Anyone can save enough money to afford Skyy, don’t pretend you can’t come up with $20.

10.) Jose Cuervo Especial Gold ($19.99/750ml)

The name Jose Cuervo can sell itself. The flavor isn’t anything to brag about but the overall affordability combined with the fact that you are still drinking tequila makes this stuff worth every penny.

9.) Crown Royal ($24.99/750ml)

As far as Canadian whiskey goes, this is the best you will be able to afford. You might not find any big Crown Royal drinkers outside of a college town but that doesn’t take away from its value.

8.) Bacardi Gold Rum ($15.99/750ml)

Enjoy Bacardi, we do. This is one of the best tasting rums on the market and that includes all brands, not just the cheaper ones. It is worth the purchase even if you can only afford to buy it once.

7.) Miller Light ($9.99/12-pack)

This isn’t going to be difficult to figure out but Miller Light, Coors Light, and Bud Light are only separated by one thing, the Rocky Mountains. There differences between these three are so tiny, the only person that would notice would have to have a very special palette.

6.) Coors Light ($9.99/12-pack)

As we have said before, Miller Light and Bud Light are all the same. The rankings were determined based on popularity. Even the cost is the same across the boards. However, people will be people and choices will be made. Don’t be a douche, drink whatever you can whenever you can, it’s college, remember?

5.) Smirnoff ($19.99/1.75ml)

Smirnoff is one of the most popular vodka’s on the market today. Maybe it is the flavor choices or maybe it is because women love this stuff. And if you haven’t figured it out by now but if the ladies love it, the men will too.

4.) Captain Morgan Spiced Rum ($16.99/750ml)

Thanks to social media and TV, Captain Morgan has grown into one of the largest marketed rums in the United States. It is so easy to throw a pirate themed party and have the entire crowd throws up the Capt. Morgan leg pose. Crap, even we do it from time to time. It is also pretty good tasting for what you will end up paying.

3.) Natural Light ($8.99/12-pack)

If you wanted to understand what drinking your own urine tastes like, Natural Light is a great start. Beer tastes better when you have plenty of it and with Natty Light, as most people call it, you can buy more than enough to take you through the weekend without getting a bank loan.

2.) Bud Light ($9.99/12-pack)

When it comes to beer, Bud Light wins. Not only is it a cheap drink, it is terrible too. Yet somehow, college kids in America that drink beer have found themselves floating a keg or two of this stuff. Once you grow up and understand what beer is supposed to taste like, you might never pick up another bottle. But in the meantime, drink up and enjoy college why don’t you.

1.) Absolut Vodka ($19.99/750ml)

Thank you Sweden for keeping our drinks full and lowering our women’s inhibitions. Absolut is at the top of the list for one reason, selection. There are easily 350 drink recipes that include Absolut vodka and the flavored ones just add to the mix. Once you find out the cost is below average, the bottles fly off the college grocery shelves.


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