How to Maximize the Final Party Weekend of the Semester

With finals week approaching around the country in the first or second weekend in May, these are the finals days for you to truly break loose and let go of all your ambitions in an attempt to find some much-desired solace and, well, mayhem.

Yes, I realize these two mentalities contradict each other, but both are equally good for the soul and the mind, especially before you are about to undergo the stresses and burdens of finals week.

So how do you maximize this significant stretch of days without throwing yourself completely over the edge? Well, obviously, don’t get arrested. Besides that, I think you’re pretty much golden.

Remember: this is a fire sale, not a conservative analysis of the market. It’s all about how you approach the final party weekend and if you look at it and think “I shouldn’t go that hard, I am really going to need to study hard next week,” then you’ve already lost. Let future you worry about the pains of studying next week. Stay present and live in the moment. Don’t cower about something that you’ll ultimately get through and don’t take yourself too seriously. Everybody has gone through finals, you’re no different. It sucks, but you’ll survive.

Alright, with that all said, my pep-talk to you is over. Now here are some steps to maximize the final party weekend of the year:

Spend like crazy

Most of you bros should have locked up a summer job or a summer internship, so income is on its way. For those of you haven’t, I assume that you’ll be moving back in with mommy and daddy, which means you won’t really have too many opportunities to blow off steam and get absolutely piss drunk anyways so why play conservative with your spending. If you’re not broke at this point, I’m already concerned about whether or not you maximized the semester, so do yourself a favor and make up for lost time and go crazy. Look at the final party weekend as an opportunity to pump some money back into the economy. You’re helping yourself grow and you’re helping our country grow. Good work, bro.

Ask: who cares?

Sometimes in social settings a bro is afraid to act because he’s afraid of what others will say about him the next week. Screw that. When you go out this weekend, your mentality needs to be go big or go home. Who cares what they might say about you? They won’t remember it three months from now when you’re back on campus, so don’t hesitate. Make an aggressive move and live with no regrets. Now is not the time for non-action, it’s the time for you to live.
The dude with his book glued to the text book will be much more inclined to ace the key final if he knows he left it all on the field in the biggest game of the year. 

Get creative

Nothing enrages me more than a bro that has gotten complacent over his college days. A bro who has gotten so comfortable with the familiar that he is incapable of challenging himself and rediscovering what it truly is to party and have a good time. This final weekend is all about breaking loose and reaping in the benefits of not giving a fuck. You won’t be truly satisfied with yourself until you break out of that imaginary cage of contentment and begin to think outside-of-the-box. Be spontaneous. There’ll be plenty of time for you to be a caged animal later in life. Now, these are the days to make some memories that will last you a life time.

Set some goals

I know I said earlier to let go off all your ambitions, but what I meant to say is let go of all your academic ambitions for the weekend. Focus on the fun part of college and strive for greatness. Your goals can vary: they can apply to drinking (go undefeated at the beer pong table), women (bring home a random girl) or, even, legacy (become the bro who everybody talks about for years to come). Whatever you do, go into it with the mindset that this isn’t your ordinary college weekend, because it’s not. You want to head home with a memory, or a faint recollection, that will help you get through the summer. I’ve said it, and I’ll probably say it again, live with no regrets.

Be a risk taker

I’m sure you saw this one coming with all the conservative-bashing and cage-references, but this one is the most important.  You need to gamble on yourself this weekend. It will pay dividends, I promise. The risk-taking man is the man who is closest to achieving happiness. You don’t want to be thinking about what could have been when Monday rolls around, you want to be waking up and realizing you have some the biggest balls on campus. Yea, you might have acted like a depraved barbarian, but that’s what makes college what it is.

After all, playing it safe is for the losers. Not to sound like Charlie Sheen, but this weekend is about winning. You won’t be able to dominate out there if you’re playing like an innocent school-girl, you’re a man – act like one.

If you need to pick yourself back up again over the course of the weekend, which I am really hoping you do, simply sing the national anthem. It’s the best rallying and motivating force I can think of. America is the “land of the free and the home of the brave.”

Make her proud out there: be free and be brave.