Does This Story About A Kid Popping Ketamine Before Exam To ‘Slow Down Time’ Feel Like Lies To You?

This story feels farcical from the jump but let’s give it a chance.

An eighteen year old student from Manchester, England, took two grams of the popular club drug ketamine before an exam this morning in an attempt to alter time and give himself “more time to answer the questions.”

English literature student Danny Coleman turned to the drug after falling behind in his studies due to his on going struggle to find a healthy balance between work and play.

According to Danny’s roommate Scott, “a bit of ket” would be perfect to slow down time during the two hour essay based exam.


“I think it went alright but I can’t really remember.”

That’s the first clue this whole thing might be bullshit and then…

“To be honest it’s been bloody hard work,” said Danny. “I have the ‘play’ part nailed on. I go to the SU bar every single night for pre-drinks, then end up in a club and getting on it until the early hours before heading home with some skanky bird.What does me in is the ‘work’ part. I’ve been here for six months and only been to three lectures. I didn’t realise there was such a big emphasis on education at university. I assumed the government gave us our student loan to go and enjoy our youth and spend it on things like beer, takeaways and drugs, not wreck our heads reading Shakespeare books and trying to decipher pissy poems by Wordsworth that make about as much sense as the female menstrual cycle.”

Either this kid is being sarcastic as hell or he’s an idiot.

We’ve all taken drugs in an effort to help ourselves academically. While Special K doesn’t actually slow down time it might cause a person to slow down and think things through. Especially students who tend to rush through exams because they suck. But the guy had two hours. That’s an insanely long time to complete an exam.

I’m not suggesting getting twisted before an exam but if you’ve exhausted all other options, and have given up on just learning the material, it really couldn’t hurt to give it a shot. Some of the greatest writers in the world only wrote while completely fucked up.

It’s worth a shot. You can’t get a “worse” F.

[via Wunderground Music]

Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.