Only in America

Reflecting back on the summer i’ve been having, its been amazing I just got back from studying abroad in Europe, and thought for sure that nothing could top the array of the stories I had collected while abroad, at least not this summer. I was wrong, it only took 6 days to blow all of them out of the water.

I got back two weeks ago and the next day my dad put me back to work. Hopefully it’s like last year and all I have to do is put in 80hours of internship work and somehow “earn” a $7500 Christmas bonus. My second day at work, and I am already counting down the days until I get to enjoy my last year in college. I was at lunch when my boy Tanner text me and hit me with some great news. Tanner plays football at a big name SEC school. He told me he had some slutty soccer players that wanted to come to my lake house that weekend; I was skeptical at first until he sent me pictures. They were the most beautiful collection of blue eyed, blonde haired, southern belles I have ever seen…

The only problem was there were 6 of them that wanted to come and a majority of my friends already had prior arrangements (girlfriends). I finally convinced one of my best friends to ditch his lady and come down to the lake and just “forget” to include the fact we had 6 dimes coming down (okay, fine, only 3 were dimes, 2 were okay, and 1 paper bag). Tanner was bringing one of his teammates down so we had four of us guys and 3 dimes, 2 ok’s, and 1 paper bag. Tanner already called the one of the dimes and I figured id just take the dime that his teammate didn’t chose.

I’m not allowed to go down to our lake house with just my friends and I anymore… So, logically I just lied and said I was going on a float trip.

My best friend and me got down to my lake house Friday afternoon, soon to follow were Tanner, his teammate and the Soccer Sluts. I was instantly disappointed now we only had 2 dimes, 3 ok’s, 1 wouldn’t touch her with 10 foot pole. Not only were two of the girls downgraded, the teammate Tanner brings down looks like the perfect specimen of a man. This is when I develop a plan to get this kid super fucked up and hopefully passed out before the peak of the night where I can swoop in on dime #2.

My plan backfired and ended up getting everyone fucked up including myself. We were in bed by 12:30a.

 We all woke up around the same time ate breakfast and then instantly started drinking again. Playing every drinking game in the book. After a lot of whiskey and a line of blow I was ready to take out my dads (brand new, very large, and very expensive) boat. My only thought was “if this doesn’t get me laid by dime #2 then the dynamics of what get you laid have drastically changed since I’ve been in Europe.” Don’t they know that the 98% of football players who don’t make the draft will be working for people like me? Anyways, both the dimes were all over my nuts now and I could see I was for definitely going to get mine.

After returning back home from the boat ride the sun was down. I do another line of blow while Black skinhead is playing; I began to feel like Luck Leo in The Wolf of Wall Street. I was now invincible.

We all skinny dip and the both the dimes cling to my raft. Tanner was making out with one of the okay’s while my best friend and Tanner’s teammate were about to call it a night. One of the dimes spots a double decker dock across our cove (about 150 yards) and begs for us three to go over and jump off.

 Carpe diem! We swim over and climb on the dock and surprising, for how cold it was, my dick was not shriveled, but had a healthy flaccid look to it. No one was covering their body, just as if we were in street clothes. We were all confident in our bodies and proudly showing off. On top of the dock we walk to the edge and one of the dimes hugs me and says “it’s to high.” Still on top of the dock, we began making out, I look over to dime #2 grab her hand and switch to kissing her. Dime #1 starts to head south, we are near the edge and I notice across the lake that the two other guys now on the dock shorts on nonchalantly watching. We spent about 25 minutes on top of the dock switching positions, (every time I reminisce on the best 25 minutes of my life, I hear the song Sussudio’s)


At about minute 23 I still hadn’t cum I don’t know if I had whiskey dick, or it was the fact that I was so scared to cum early that I psyched myself out. So, I pick the dime with the nicest ass and tell her to “assume the doggy position”. I start to aggressively thrust and I can feel the build up coming. 25 seconds prior to the best bust of my life, I noticed our location on the dock. She was facing the ledge that overlooks the cove, and now the whole crew was on the dock sitting in a U formation so everyone had a view of this magical moment in my life. I look over to dime #1 the one with the less nice ass and she staring at us, sitting criss-cross fucking applesauce. I have a count down of 5 seconds. The workaholic’s scene* flashes in my head, seems like a great idea!

I at least blast 15 pumps in the last 5 seconds and on pump number 15 I grab her ass and push so she will fall in. She was a smaller than I realized and pushed her really hard, and soon too follow her degrading tumble. Was mine. When I pushed my upper body followed and flipped forward I did a ½ front flip and smacked my back on the water. All I could hear was the celebratory screams from the guys on my dock, and of a couple of other docks of people who seemed to enjoy the show too.


Only in America.