Do You Think This Sorority Rush Email From Alpha Chi Omega At USC Is ‘Batshit’ Insane?
Although I only lasted in a sorority for one measly year, I can say without a doubt that I WISH we’d gotten emails like this during rush. Is it a little over the top? Maybe. But personally I think it’s spot-on.
For those of you who don’t know jack about being in a sorority, recruitment is the time of year where girls who want to join a sorority (called PNM’s) visit each house and see which ones they like best. Of course, the sororities have to like you back too, which is why you see so many girls crying while walking through campus during recruitment. Girls get rejected. Girls get upset. They cry. Boo-hoo-hoo. If the chapter you liked didn’t like you back then you obviously didn’t belong there; the girls in that chapter know more about how well you’d fit in than you do, idiot.
Unfortunately you can’t just tell a girl who comes into your house that she sucks ass and that you’re going to give her the axe the moment she walks out, so instead you have to give her the best impression possible so that even though you don’t want her, she wants you. You want girls to talk outta your chapter house ranting and raving about how super-duper-amaaaazinggg your house is and how you really hope you get a bid. It’s a lot more polite than straight-up saying “Look I’m stuck here for 20 minutes talking to you but you’re not getting a bid, sooo…wanna play I-spy?” plus it’s good PR.
So with all of that in mind: I get this email. I do. It’s not over-the-top in the sense that she’s threatening to murder people, but it still gets the message across.
I cannot stress how important spanx are to make you look your best. Even if you are very thin, Spanx will give you a better “line” when you wear clothes (no awkward bumps!) Plus you don’t have to worry about sucking in all the time or being bloated!
Well, yeah. Who wants to look fat? Go buy some spanx you hobos.
Eyebrows shape your face. Bad eyebrows will make you look less beautiful than you actually are! Your eyebrows need to look neat (as in not messy) for recruitment. I know “full” eyebrows are in style right now, but “full” does not mean “BUSHY” or “WILD.”… Alternatively, if you have SPARSE eyebrows then you need to fill them in.
Would you join a sorority where the girls looked like this?
Neither would I.
For recruitment, your hair has to be curly or straight. No waves. In this case, you either need to have a curling iron (for our curly gals) or a flat iron (or a blow dryer if you have pin straight flat hair and you’re super good with hair so you can blow your hair out.) Don’t count on other girls letting you borrow theirs or doing your hair for you because then she’s going to have no time for herself because she’s stuck doing everyone else’s hair (God bless [redacted]). If you’re not good with these tools, now is the time to practice. Note: if you have straight hair and you want to wear it curly, don’t. Your hair needs to be able to hold for 15 hr days and hairspray crunchy or limp hair is not acceptable. Also, get some heat protectant and shine spray. Damaged, frizzy hair is not going to attract PNMs. If you have bangs, they need to be styled correctly. If they’re long and you’re afraid they’re going to be in your face the whole time, get some bobbi pins that match your hair color (except on house tours day/door chant, obvi). We don’t want to look “emo” or like we’re actually trying to flirt with PNMs by touching our hair all the time.
For those of you who are unaware, styling your hair sucks, and if you’re not good at it the chances of you looking like a shit pile is around 99%. The one year I had to recruit girls we had a sister show up looking like fucking Heidi:
Clearly, that look had been out of style since before any of us had been born…and she looked like shit. But no one told her she looked like shit because even though it was the recruitment chair’s job to tell people when they looked like shit, she decided to be passive and just make her hide in a closet upstairs the entire time instead.
Now, would you have rather had someone be direct and say “Ew” to your face so that you wouldn’t have to be stuck in a closet for 15 hours, or have no one say anything? I think we all agree that we’d prefer the non-closet option.
Honestly, if you’re not in a sorority (or never were in one) you’ll think this is the most over-the-top batshit list of requirements ever delivered in an email…but if you were in a sorority? You’ll get it. And it’s probably the best recruitment email I’ve ever read, even if it is from 2013.