11 Things You Have to Do Your Last Semester of College

(Disclaimer: I've been out of college for 4 years now so I don't exactly have the pulse of the people, but as long as sex, booze, and fun are still things on college campuses, most of this stuff applies.)

Try to hook up with the “It” Girl

And I don't mean “It” like some freakshow, I mean the girl you've stalked on social media for the last 3 1/2 years but have never said a word to in person because you're a giant pussy. You've got nothing to lose now. You'll be out of this place in four months and will probably never see her again, so you might as well give it a shot one night when you see her at the bar or something. Assuming you're not creepy as fuck, the worst thing that can possibly happen is she makes up some excuse not to dance with you and your friends make fun of you for the next couple days. Or maybe she throws a drink in your face and Ray Finkle's you in the dick, causing one of your testicles to ascend into your abdomen requiring $30,000 worth of emergency surgery. Who knows. My point is that the only thing worse than getting shut down by her in front of your friends would be never approaching her in the first place and jacking off to her memory for the next 5 years like a psycho.

Put the video games down and go outside

Second semester senior year is all about bro'ing out on random lawns with cheap beer in hand, backwards hat on head, and Ray-Bans on face. The only time you should be playing video games at the end of your college career is if you have four N64 controllers and you and your buddies wanna get stoned and play Mario Kart. If you're sitting in your apartment in your underwear playing first-person shooter games and ignoring “Dude come play Polish horseshoes” texts, you're doing it wrong. 

But what if the weather isn't nice? “Outside” doesn't have to be taken literally. Just get out of the fucking house and do something with the people whom you may take for granted now but will miss the fuck out of the second you get back to your hometown. 

Go to the gym regularly

If you go to a decent-sized school, chances are there's a free gym on campus. Not only will you have to pay to go to a gym when you graduate, but finding the time and motivation when you've now got a shit-ton more responsibilities is a lot harder to do. Take advantage of all your college has to offer, especially if it's stuff you can't enjoy nearly as much when you're gone. (The dining hall also applies here; “free” food doesn't exist in the real world.)

Search for jobs

Whoa, total boner killer, bro. Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's true. Let me tell you a story about my friend Billy (that's his real name because I'm a dick). Like two months into our senior year, Billy landed a job at one of the big four accounting firms (starting a few months after graduation) for $60K a year and a fucking $10K signing bonus. That's like $20M in college dollars. Outside of pro sports, I didn't even know signing bonuses were a thing. Anyway, for the next six months, my man Billy lived like a fucking king. He was always the most fun guy to have at the bar because he was always in a good mood and buying drinks for everyone, on account of having infinity more money than all of us. For Billy, class was borderline optional the rest of the year and he would go to the golf course every day instead. And to top it all off, one day Billy rolls into baseball practice in a brand new Lexus. Granted, he leased it, but you know how much Lexus pussy he probably got that Spring? Oodles of Lexus pussy. 

The moral of the story is that you'll have to find a job eventually anyway, so the sooner you do it (i.e. in college when your other responsibilities are fairly minimal), the better. It's relatively similar to getting into college your senior year of high school, only a lot harder. But once you're in, you'll have a huge weight lifted off your shoulders and will be able to focus on the things that really matter, like how to cram 60 Busch Lights into one backpack.

Try to have a threesome

Annnnd our boner's back. This is probably the most obvious inclusion on a list like this and may also be the most ambitious, but imagine if you pull it off? Bros, girls are only going to get more serious and less slutty as they get older, so while I certainly wouldn't say that the threesome window closes the day you get your cap and gown, let's just say your odds go from “I know a couple girls that might be down” to “Hey maybe if I win Powerball”. The real world isn't Entourage or nxgx.com—out here you're lucky if you have sex with even one girl at a time.  

Don't study abroad

This comes with a huge caveat. If possible, you should always try to study abroad because literally every single person I know that did it said it was incredible; just don't do it in your last semester of college. Trust me, as amazing as four months in Australia sounds, you're gonna regret not spending the last semester of college with the friends that made the last 3 1/2 years some of the greatest of your life. Take that Australia trip your junior year instead, or even better…

Book a trip for the summer

Now granted, I'm assuming it'll cost more to take a trip like this on your own as opposed to going with your school (I actually have no clue, just guessing), but if you can, try and book a vacation for the summer after you graduate, because once work starts in the fall, you'll quickly realize that taking vacations on a whim doesn't work anymore. But you're a college kid, how are you gonna afford to book your own vacation? If you have any persuasion skills and parents who make decent bank, convince them that this could be your graduation present. And before you accuse me of being some spoiled rich kid, all I got when I graduated was a 16-oz NY Strip at my townie steakhouse and an “Atta boy, now when you moving out?”

Be careful with your extracurriculars

There comes a point with two months left in school where literally all you'll care about is partying your face off and hanging out with your friends. Don't let anything that's not necessary (non-school/job related stuff) get in the way of that. For example, I played club baseball for four years at school. I loved baseball, right up until the Spring of my senior year when I'd be stuck at practice while the rest of my friends were trolling for trim at spur-of-the-moment house parties. I'm not saying quit something you love just to get drunk, but for Christ sakes, it was club baseball. I threw 84 MPH and hit more batters than I struck out, it's not like I was going pro. If you love it, stick with it, but once you're out of college, you'll probably realize how much more important hanging out with people you love was than going 2-for-4 against SUNY Buffalo in front of 17 people.

I apologize to all the coaches who I just cost their senior captains.

Take as few classes as possible, but go to them

Most of the lists on this topic will tell you to just blow off class. Fuck that. Don't be a lazy asshole. By all means, if the “It” girl offers to give you a handy outside the local Panera at two in the afternoon, feel free to skip Astronomy 105, but if you set yourself up well the previous three years, you should have a light enough class load where busing to campus three days a week won't be the worst thing in the world. Plus, you should be wayyy done with your bullshit Gen Ed classes by now so most of the classes you're taking should be relevant to what you want to do for a living, which means you should pay attention in them. Which leads me to my next suggestion..

Develop relationships with your professors (at least within your major)

This is one of the biggest regrets I have from college because it seems that most of the kids who kept in touch with the professors have industry-related jobs now, while I on the other hand am pretending to do Excel sheets on one monitor while blogging on the other. The quick realization when you enter the workforce, and you've undoubtedly heard it before, is that “It's not what you know, but who you know.” Unless you're my dad, then “It's not who you know, it's who you blow.” My dad's not gay or anything, that's just what he says.

Your professors know people in the industry; stop being lazy and send a couple of emails to see if they can put you in touch with some relevant, important people. It'll be a lot more useful than you think.

Do spring break

Last but not least, go on Spring Break with your friends. It's usually pretty cheap depending on where you go and it's the absolute apex of life as a second semester college senior. Friends, women, drugs, sex, music, beaches, The Challenge contestants, yeah.

Find Jimmy T's archive here. He also has a blog, Jimmy's Very Unusual.