You probably will not…
1. Infiltrate an illustrious group of attractive, wealthy yuppies
2. Travel to see your old college friends because you make a lot of money
3. Make a lot of money
4. Maintain the same alcohol tolerance
5. Drop triple digits on top-shelf liquor
6. Preserve said top-shelf liquor for special occasions only
7. Buy an awesome tuxedo
8. Stay the size of said awesome tuxedo
9. Accrue a distinguished tie collection
10. Ask for Caesar salads instead of fries on the side
11. Become a connoisseur of the downtown Sunday brunch scene
12. Subscribe to The New Yorker or Forbes or any of those overpriced snob rags
13. Read more in general
14. Cancel that Netflix account in pursuit of more proactive endeavors
15. Learn what a 401(k) is
16. Stop being the sloppy, goofy drunk person every weekend
17. Maintain shallow no-strings-attached relationships
18. Go into your mundane job with a crippling hangover
19. Not get in trouble for it
20. Get season tickets for your favorite team
21. Peruse incomprehensible exhibitions at art museums
22. Reside in an IKEA-furnished apartment
23. Eat sushi four times a week
24. Try every $15 IPA 4-pack at your friendly neighborhood liquor store
25. Stop smoking weed profusely
26. Stop smoking profusely
27. Get in a committed relationship
28. Get married
29. Find happiness
30. Or is that last one just me?
A-Mac is a regular columnist for BroBible.