via Leslie Cohen
Editor’s Note: Welcome back to our BroBible relationship column from romance author Leslie Cohen. Read last week’s column here:
- The 22 Best Movies To Watch If You Actually Want To Get Lucky Tonight
- The 14 Best TV Shows To Watch If You Actually Want To Get Lucky Tonight
- Why Are Women Obsessed with Hockey Players?
- I Know Who Took the Olympic Village Condoms: Unwrapping the Scandal
- The Valentine’s Day Hot Tub Fantasy I Barely Survived
- Dating Red Flags: Go Ahead. Date the Bad Boy. But Don’t Come Crying to Me.
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via Canva
The place where true character is revealed is at the breakfast buffet. It shows how you make a decision. How you handle the tongs. It’s all being judged by the women around you. Much like where you want to live and what religion you want to raise your children, you should find out how someone performs in a buffet situation early on in a relationship.
Here are 7 different approaches and what she thinks of them:
The Scout
You need to take a lap before you make any moves. You’re not just going to put players into the game without surveying the field. Once you’ve done a full sweep, then and only then do you touch a plate.
The Plate: an even distribution of protein and carbs. Your eggs include spinach, but also cheese. You’ll have chicken sausage instead of bacon. Your bread is whole grain, but you’ll balance it out with a cinnamon roll.
What She Thinks: You’re patient and strategic and probably good in bed. You’re not making impulse decisions. This isn’t a timed event. You play the long game.
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The Economist
You’re mentally calculating value and scarcity. You start with seafood, the lightest but most expensive items. The veggie scramble? That’s not for you. You will beat the restaurant in this buffet challenge.
The Plate: smoked salmon, caviar, oysters, truffle anything.
What She Thinks: You’re fiscally responsible. You have the goods to support a family someday.
Also: not afraid of oysters for breakfast, so, a little bit dangerous.
The Ron Swanson
The “just give me all the eggs and bacon you have” approach. You know what you like and you want a lot of it. Quantity matters. Also, why overcomplicate things? Variety and spontaneity were created by the weak to explain failure.
The Plate: hella eggs and bacon or a huge stack of pancakes and no apologies.
What She Thinks: You are simple and streamlined and you understand that dedication matters.
You’re not some fair-weather fan. Do you drop everything you’ve ever loved just because a shrimp platter comes along? No. You do not.
The Real Estate Tycoon
Your main concern is what will take up the most space in your stomach. You fill your plate, you sit down, and that is when the real work begins. You take a bite, and if it’s not delicious, you discard it. You avoid so-so bagels, slightly stale muffins, mediocre croissants— and focus on blue-chip assets.
The Plate: protein forward— eggs, interesting cheeses. Yogurt parfaits are your jam.
What She Thinks: You’re practical, with a strong sense of priorities. You’re shrewd, a little bit ruthless. If something doesn’t suit your needs, you move on from it. No drama or second chances.
The Chaos Agent
You immediately fill your plate with the first things you see. You operate based on instinct. There are no boundaries. There is no theme.
The Plate: French toast, sausage, pineapple, bacon, eggs, hot sauce all over the pineapple, syrup
all over the eggs, but who cares?
What She Thinks: You’re playful. You’re sexually adventurous. Self-control is for people who hate joy.
The Stealth Bomber
You will comb the buffet looking for a hidden gem. You low-key interrogate the waitress, the chef, the busboys. Is there a hidden waffle maker nobody knows about? Will they benedict your
eggs upon request? Is there a chocolate fountain lurking around the corner?
The Plate: berries and oatmeal to keep suspicions at bay while you conduct your investigating.
What She Thinks: You’re not interested in what’s there. You’re interested in what isn’t there. You like a challenge. You believe in the power of seduction, unlocked potential, and the thrill of the unknown.
The Conscientious Objector
You say things like: “I don’t eat breakfast.”
The Plate: empty, a blank canvas, if you will.
What She Thinks: You’re mysterious. An enigma. Possibly European.