Pennsylvania TikToker Lindsay (@lindstemple) asks the internet: “It’s basic bar etiquette, right?” She is, of course, referring to the practice of scooting over to make more room at the literal bar—especially when you’re sitting alone, and a couple or group walks in.
Normally, folks exchange a small joke or smile, and then the solo human slides over. It’s a small thing, but it’s the kind of exchange that, in the tiniest of ways, affirms a shared humanity. Plus, it quietly recognizes the rhythm of the bar: Folks ebb and flow, in and out, strangers becoming neighbors for a minute before fading back into the night. It’s the unspoken agreement that keeps the vibes intact.
Is Anyone Sitting Here?
When Lindsay and her husband arrived at an upscale restaurant a little early for a dinner reservation, they decided to grab a drink at the bar. Like any couple, they wanted to sit and enjoy their drinks together.
“We get to the bar, and there’s no two seats next to each other,” explains Lindsay. “So my husband goes up to the guy who’s sitting by himself in the middle of these two open chairs. And says, ‘Hey man, would you mind moving down so that my wife and I can sit next to each other?'”
That’s when things get… weirdly rude.
Lindsay reports that the guy looks at her husband and then asked, “Seriously?” Like it’s the hugest problem ever.
Then, she says her husband said to the guy, “‘Yeah, if you don’t mind.'”
The response? According to Lindsay, the guy says, “‘Well, I do mind.'” But he also proceeded to give up his seat.
At this point, she says she was feeling so incredibly awkward that they went and waited in the car until their reservation was ready.
“I always thought it was bar etiquette 101 that when you are in the middle of open chairs, and two more people come and want to sit next to each other, to maximize the amount of seats at the bar, you move down?” she says.
So now, she’s turning to the internet for help answering the question: “Were we wrong for asking him to move down?”
Rudeness Is As Rudeness Does?
The video’s gotten 1,544 comments, and it’s been watched over 144,000 times. So it’s safe to say the internet is invested. It’s also wildly divided on who’s right.
“Unpopular opinion… I don’t see anything wrong with politely asking. What is wrong with people? Be nice. Good grief. What’s the big deal?” asked user @sistersue4040.
Users are ready with exactly why it’s a big deal: “If I’m sitting down enjoying my time alone. In my own little bubble, why should I have to move so you and whomever can sit together? Like bar is first come first serve. No one has to move for anyone. He told them he didn’t want to move. That was the question she asked him. But he did it anyways. And she still got her feelings hurt. You ask a question, I’m gonna give you an honest answer. I’ll move but ima tell you, no I don’t want to move,” another user said.
Then a bartender weighed in. “Been a bartender for 30 years, there is no bar etiquette on this, some ppl ask, some ppl offer but most people? One will sit and one stand or both will stand,” @nickys724 said.
However, other users honed in on what they describe as the important detail in the story. “You were wrong for getting mad that he didn’t HAPPILY move. He still moved but let you know he didn’t appreciate being asked,” @ifeeelya pointed out.
Common Courtesy
Is it basic courtesy to let a couple sit together at the bar, especially if you’re alone? Like so much in life, this situation is dependent on lots of things, from your own mood to how the request is made.
One Facebook group, Let’s Eat, South Florida, suggested another way to make the socially awkward moment a little easier.
“I always buy a drink,” Andee Rubenstein Hasbrook shared. “People typically choose their seats based on where they’d be most comfortable so asking somebody to move, regardless of whether it’s reluctantly or not, is still a very kind service that they’re doing for you.”
Over on Quora, though, the answers get far less charitable. Matthew Owen offered this un-nuanced take: “Refusing to move is certainly within your rights. Just like farting in a crowded elevator, or most obnoxiously, remaining in the passing lane driving the exact speed limit as cars pile up behind you. There’s what’s “lawful evil,” and then there’s what’s morally correct. Just because you’re within your rights to do something doesn’t mean you should.”
Yikes.
Since no one wants to be the social equivalent of a fart on the elevator, it seems the internet has spoken. And yes, while you’re absolutely within your rights to say “no” at the bar, it’s not really the same thing as being asked to give up a window seat on an airplane. So perhaps the polite, gracious thing to do would be to scoot over (without grumbling) and hope you get toasted for doing so.
BroBible reached out to Lindsay via TikTok direct message and left a comment on her video. We will update this article if she replies to us.
@lindstemple The most awkward and uncomfortable restaurant bar experience!!