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It has been said that college life just isn’t what it was back in the day. Long gone is the time when you could parade drunken farm animals around in skimpy lingerie, and make freshmen do unspeakably ornery things with toilet plungers and badger urine. Man, there’s just so many great memories.
But now, it seems that every time a kid catches fire during a hazing ritual or gets his genitals caught in a vat of boiling water, school administrators flip out and start monitoring all extracurricular activities in an effort to prevent their campuses from becoming lawless institutions of the depraved.
These schools will do everything in their power to keep campuses from becoming a modern day Babylonia. Extreme drunkenness and certain levels of tomfoolery are now grounds for disciplinary action. To keep things in check, school officials have increased security patrols and instituted bans on this and that. And you’d be surprised just how hard it is now to have any fun at all without an incriminating video showing up on social media. It’s a brave new world, that’s for sure.
But not every college campus across the United States seems to care who catches them having a good time. There are still plenty of schools where students are drinking, smoking dope, and just plain old raising hell like the good old days.
These are the top five colleges that just can’t seem to stay out of trouble.
University of Wyoming
Although the University of Wyoming doesn’t exactly have a reputation for being a sick and twisted breed of party people, someone must have formed a committee designed to take their celebrity up a notch.
And it is working.
A recent study finds that the Cowboys and Cowgirls have been going buck wild when it comes to their consumption of drugs and alcohol. The school now leads the nation in arrests for rowdy behavior. Nearly 190 people per 10,000 students were arrested for going hard as fuck back in 2017. What’s really impressive, however, is that the entire school must have banded together and made a conscious decision to go bad. They are now causing around 70 percent more trouble than back in 2015. So, yeah, these mofos have been a lot more focused on achieving an inebriated state than attending class. Hey, we’ve been to Wyoming. We can’t say that we blame them.
West Chester University of Pennsylvania
The next in line for hellraiser campus of the year is the West Chester University of Pennsylvania. The school had around 185 alcohol and drug-related arrests per 10K students in 2017. These kids are dedicated to debauchery, but not entirely on the scale of those roughnecks in Wyoming. The Golden Rams only turned up the volume of their depravity by roughly 2 percent since the last time this study was conducted. It’s not much of an uptick, but at least they are headed in the right direction.
But make no mistake about it, these sick puppies are not to be fucked with. Many a rowdy, drunken night has forced the school to tighten down party practices after reports of toe-licking, ice water baths and other unscrupulous hazing practices sent some of the weaker kids home crying to their mommies. And that’s just what the media felt comfortable reporting too. We all know damn well those Pennsylvania kids have a tendency to get into some next-level deviance on occasion.
University of New Hampshire
We are almost embarrassed to report that the third hardest partying school in the land is one that seems to be on the wagon just a bit. The University of New Hampshire had around 177 arrests stemming from kids getting a bit overzealous. But overall, the school still managed to show an 8.1 percent decline in raucous behavior. Still, mad props go out to any student population that still represents one of the most sinful campuses in the country, yet it is also being revered for cleaning it up a little. We can’t wait to see how this year shakes out.
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Pennsylvania State University & University of Colorado Boulder
Pennsylvania State University came in at fourth this year, showing an outstanding 11 percent increase in party time arrests. The University of Colorado Boulder ranked in at fifth, showing a decrease of about a half of a percentage point in cases where the drunk and disorderly were dragged to jail.
All we can say is you guys can do better. We now live in a world where weed is more prevalent, psychedelics are slowly becoming accepted and cocaine continues to take the nation by storm. Sure, the whole non-alcoholic beverage trend is making some noise right now, but it’s just a matter of time before folks learn that this planet is just too insane to exist in without roughing up a brain cell or two.
Now, for a word to the wise.
For all of the students just now getting back into the swing of things on campus, you might want to put an attorney on retainer, download the Uber app and please, we’re begging you, please, stop filming people every time they get a little ripped up and start showing their ass. It’s only going to put your school on radar. On the flipside, however, if y’all happen across some real old schoolers that are still dressing up goats in nightgowns and high heels, by all means film that shit for us.
We love reliving our glory days!