via Leslie Cohen / BroBible
Editor’s Note: Meet our new relationships columnist, Leslie Cohen. Leslie will write about all things women, relationships, maybe sports… music… a celebrity profile of the Easter Bunny. Who knows? Leslie wrote a romance novel with a famous former NHL player, and now she’s tackling the dark mystery of women. So, in the spirit of all bros before us, let’s welcome Leslie and hope she doesn’t destroy the clubhouse.
Presented in partnership with LoveHoney, for all your intimate Valentine’s Day needs. Use code “AFF-BROBIBLE20” at checkout for 20% off your Valentine’s Day order!
You’ve been there before: Your female friend is dating some menace to society. He starts fights. He’s addicted to murder reenactments on TikTok. Why hasn’t he called? Do you think he really left his phone at an ayahuasca retreat in rural Oregon? Red flags all around, and yet she still doesn’t get it.
Here are some gentle ways to respond to her, because she’s not breaking up with him anyway:
Yes, that random bar fight he got into was kind of hot. Did I say hot? I meant horrifying.
Maybe you should get a restraining order. It’s only temporary! Temporary restraining order! People bounce back from those. They go on to have very healthy relationships.
Yes, he listens to “Free Bird” every morning, but how were you supposed to know he’d have commitment issues? It is a great song. Objectively.
Okay, so he started a podcast about his own narcissism. But you can’t possibly diagnose someone with a psychological disorder just because they talk for weekly 60-minute segments about how they’ve diagnosed themselves.
Sure, he has some questionable allegiances, like to shady cultural figures, international dictators, and some lightly terrorist organizations, but allegiances are easy to ignore. Like red flags.
True. He was arrested for drug possession, but he needed those. Desperately.
From our sponsors: Lovehoney
Tired of the same old flowers and chocolate routine, it’s time to level up your Valentine’s Day game with a tasteful gift from the experts at Lovehoney. Use our exclusive code AFF-BROBIBLE20 to take 20% off their entire collection of adult toys and lingerie—delivered in discreet packaging so your nosy neighbors are none the wiser.
TAP HERE TO SPICE THINGS UP THIS VALENTINE’S DAY WITH LOVEHONEY
Yes, he just casually mentioned that he has a policy of “no apologies” but how could you possibly know that would become relevant?
Listen. You can never really know a person, even if they have three different social media accounts and they use them to antagonize random sports teams and harass former coworkers. Vendettas make the world go round. Or they destroy it. I can’t remember which.
So, he wrote a four-hundred-page memoir, and it was available on iBooks. But you know what they say about ghostwriters… Seriously, do you?
You can’t possibly be expected to actually use your past twenty years of therapy with a licensed psychologist to decipher this kind of high-level forensic psychology.
People are mysteries and mysteries are never solvable, except on television and sometimes in
real life.
It’s important to give second chances. Believe in the power of change. Look at you, for example. You used to be a happy, functional person and now you’re an insecure mess that sobs randomly throughout the day.
But you have to take risks, in life. Take a leap. Maybe from the top of a building. What are the chances you go plummeting to your death? How high is the building? Another unsolvable mystery.
Love is blind. Love is deaf. Love is mute because your friends can’t stand hearing about him any longer.
It’s okay. Enjoy the journey. It’s only temporary.