I’m with my kids in the drive-thru line at Chick-Fil-A.
The attendant…attendant? The person who stands in line and takes the order. What’s that person called? Cashier? They do take payments.
The Chick-Fil-A person asks the 7-year-old if she wants chicken strips or chicken nuggets.
It’s dead silent.
For like a minute.
So I turn around and look at her and her brother is staring at her and she’s just got this blank look like someone just asked her to name every digit in Pi.
“Bean, do you want nuggets or strips? The little fat things or the long thin things?”
She chose nuggets.
We get our food and we’re eating it in the car because we’re goddamn animals and she opens the bag and goes “oh. I wanted strips.”
I finished my meal in the trunk.
Here are some of the funniest parenting tweets and memes from parents this week.
For my wife’s birthday dinner, I’m taking her to dinner where we will eat at the very exclusive “In My Van” located just off of “My Driveway.”
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) September 3, 2020
My 8-year-old said he was inspired by his friend to write a book. He came up with a title and cover design then got side tracked for hours thinking about where he could sell it, so I guess you could say we have the same writing style.
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) September 2, 2020
https://twitter.com/CrockettForReal/status/1300520411998822400
6-year-old: Can I have a snack?
Me: No. Then you won't eat your dinner.
6: I won't eat my dinner anyway.
Her honesty is not appreciated.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 3, 2020
Earplugs? Check.
Riot gear? Check.
Xanax at the ready? Check.Okay. Let's go wake up these kids for school.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 4, 2020
My wife still brings up that one time I took a nap in 2015 while she was in labor
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 4, 2020
https://www.instagram.com/p/CEscLiVluVO/
https://twitter.com/kaichoyce/status/1301487884998864901
A man is not really successful until he has a beer fridge in the garage. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) August 27, 2020
If your couch cushions don’t have specific sides that need to go down to hide the stains, do you even have kids?
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) September 3, 2020
My son, who repeatedly coughed right in my face when he was sick last week, is suddenly gravely concerned about spreading his germs by giving me a bite of his ice cream.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 3, 2020
How are you supposed to trust “math” when you can gain 5 pounds from eating one quarter pounder.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 3, 2020
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