Christmas season is here, except at my house, because I’m too lazy to go into the storage shed outside and bring in the decorations.
In my defense, there are several steps involved in the process.
I need to pull my car out of the spot, turn it off, use the key on the keyring to open the shed, take everything out, carry it upstairs, lock the shed, and move the car back into its spot.
This will take at least five to six hours…of me complaining about a 20-minute task.
Holiday complaining feels so much more festive than complaining throughout the rest of the year.
Here’s a collection of funny tweets and memes from dads complaining about life, kids, and more.
Daughter asked if she could chew the aspirin I gave her, and I said yes because she’s been a bit difficult this week.
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) December 3, 2020
Boss: What are you working on?
Me: Not much.
Me: I mean omg so busy
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 4, 2020
5-year-old: I don't want my milk.
Me: Don't waste it.
5: Give it back to the cow.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2020
Trying to get my 4-year-old to sleep is like lying next to a fish flopping around on land but unfortunately my 4-year-old has way more staying power
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) December 3, 2020
I'm missing a shoe. This isn't a 'maybe it slid under the bed' or 'did I take that off upstairs?' situation–it's been missing for two weeks. They did something with it. I know they did.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 3, 2020
My friend works with this machine daily but it wasn't until I pointed it out that she saw the resemblance. pic.twitter.com/UK9IRumVuF
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 2, 2020
I know mansplaining is bad. But have you ever had a woman help you find something?
“Did you check your pockets?”
“Have you retraced your steps?”
“Did you put it down anywhere?”
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) December 3, 2020
My phone was missing so I used my wife’s to call mine. I wasn’t in her favorites. I found my contact under my full and proper name like some sort of business associate.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) November 21, 2020
I got hearing aids today and almost immediately learned that my cropdusting probably hasn’t been as stealthy as I thought
— ADHDeanBLM (@ADHDeanASL) December 4, 2020
inventor of worcestershire sauce: but what to call it
guy that named wednesday: u ready to fuck some ppl up bro
— Taming Fred Savage (@FredTaming) December 3, 2020
I’ve been trying to work with my toddler on his manners. Things like saying good morning to his teachers, please and thank you when he asks for something, not whacking me in the nutsack whenever he walks by me, basic stuff.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) December 4, 2020
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of enjoying a glass of wine and a movie you can watch Peppa’s Christmas for the 86th time while I go outside and figure out why the giant inflatable Santa isn’t blowing up.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 3, 2020