Dating, as we are all well aware, is a minefield. Sometimes the slightest misstep can torpedo a relationship in the making. For instance, never gift your girlfriend a Peloton. That won’t go over well even if it did run you a couple thousand bucks.
Another thing that you may want to avoid doing is asking your girlfriend to chip in on your bills and rent just because she sleeps over a lot.
I know this because a guy who says his girlfriend has been staying over three to four nights a week did just that, then asked people on Reddit if he was an a-hole for doing so.
“I (28M) have been with my girlfriend (22F) for about a year now and things have been going really well up until recently,” he wrote. “We live in separate apartments and were spending about one night a week together at my place, but recently it has turned into three or four nights a week.
“Now, don’t get me wrong… I love having my girlfriend sleepover and I could even see us living together one day… However, when I asked her to start paying $24 each night she stays over, she got really upset. I explained that all of my utility bills have gone up significantly since she started staying over more and that $24 for one night in an $1800/mo apartment is a great deal. Heck, I wish I got to live in my apartment for that little.
“Anyway, her and her friends think I’m being unreasonable and her friends are telling her to dump me. I really love her and don’t want to lose her, but I’m afraid of ending up in a relationship where bills aren’t split equally and I don’t want to be with someone who just sees me as a meal ticket. I think it’s reasonable to ask her to help pay for things now that she’s spending more time at my place, but maybe I’m wrong… AITA?
“Tl;dr: AITA for telling my gf she has to pay $24 each night she sleeps over in my $1800/mo apartment since her presence has increased my utility bills and she’s using my apartment almost as much as I am?”
(For the uninitiated, AITA means Am I The A-hole.)
Before reading on, any guesses as to how people reacted to his tale of woe?
If you said, not in his favor, give yourself a prize.
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Some highlights (that I can print)…
The top response with the most upvotes came from Redditor emptypges, who replied, “YTA. She’s a guest. If you feel it’s becoming a semi-permanent situation that you would like to become a permanent situation, then suggest THAT. I can’t even imagine how offended she was by her boyfriend asking her to pay a nightly fee to stay at his place.”
“You eat the costs of having her stay at your place in return for her company, affection, time, love, sex and whatever else, you are choosing to be with her and unless you want to move in together, suck it up. YTA, good luck finding any girl that would be cool with how you are treating her in this situation bro,” wrote boxinthesky.
Things, as they often do on the internet, eventually got nasty.
“He sounds like the type to insist they’ll find a way to split $3.47 evenly. And that whoever pays the extra penny will not pay the extra penny next time,” commented Maple_Person.
“I’ll pay her $24.00 NOT to go to your place,” wrote judochop71.
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“You have two, well… three options. 1) You could have her move in and split bills. 2) You could start splitting time at her apartment. Or 3) You could break up, because you’re clearly more concerned about the financial aspects of a relationship. You found a fourth worse option and picked that one,” said C_Miller_2012.
“The fact that you explained how staying in a $1800/mo apartment is a great deal is probably the most offensive part. The fact you think she should be grateful for that is nuts. Have you ever been in a relationship before? Also, it’s not that great of a deal. It’s only 6 dollars less than what she would pay for rent per day if she actually lived there. On top of the rent she’s paying at her own place. Edit: In case it wasn’t clear, YTA.”
Oh, I think it has been made very clear.
“YTA. What a weird way to get your girlfriend to break up with you so that you don’t have to be the bad guy,” replied frickinjaygaragearoo. “I mean, you’re a brilliant genius making 200k after graduating top of your class in business school, so you must be both highly logical and extremely good with people.
“You know that she’s not going to pay a fee to spend time with you, especially since you completely refuse to stay at her house (although I’m sure you’ve already done the math and realized that at what you want to charge her, she could buy a nice new mattress in three months).
“Now you get to paint her as a greedy gold digger and be the good guy. Your degree is really paying off, son.”
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Check out the rest of the responses, and there are literally hundreds of them, here.