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I’m not entirely sure what kids who stay home from school these days do to entertain themselves, but I assume we no longer live in a world where the go-to distraction is a diet of daytime television defined by The Price is Right, celebrity judges presiding over civil trials, and trashy talk shows.
Earlier this year, the world lost a pioneer in that last category after Jerry Springer passed away from pancreatic cancer at the age of 79—a man best known for his role in the syndicated one-two punch that consisted of his eponymous program and the spiritually similar platform moderated by Maury Povich.
In 2022, Maury officially came to an end after 31 seasons comprised of a whopping 5,545 episodes built on a foundation of interpersonal drama and, of course, the polygraph and paternity tests that provided the world with endless amounts of voyeuristic entertainment.
The 84-year-old Povich may have decided to move on from the show that made him a household name, but according to TMZ, he’s still doing what he can to ride the wave in the form of an incredibly on-brand product he’s now offering to the masses.
I think most people would prefer to avoid having to appear on a talk show in order to learn the results of a paternity test, and now, Povich is doing what he can to make it a bit easier to find out if you are, indeed, the father with an at-home kit peddled by a company he’s appropriately dubbed “The Results Are In.”
During an interview with the outlet, Povich said the paternity tests will be processed at DNA Diagnostics Center. the same agency that Maury used for the more than 3,000 screenings that were conducted “with 99.9% accuracy” during its run.
I can only assume he’s also gearing up to launch a lie-detector app at some point in the near future.