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Christmas has served as the inspiration for a number of classic songs that have stood the test of time. However, there are more than a few others that manage to earn a spot on holiday playlists each year even though they’re excruciating to listen to.
These are the most grating Christmas songs ever recorded
If you walk into a store during the Christmas season, there’s a good chance you’re going to be greeted with a medley of holiday music that serves as the soundtrack to your shopping experience.
The likes of Bing Crosby, Mariah Carey, and Vince Guaraldi are responsible for some absolute bangers that have more than held up since they were originally recorded, but there are other artists who were responsible for abominations that make it hard to resist the urge to sprint toward the door if they come on while you’re weaving your way through the aisles.
Here are the most egregious offenders.
“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”—Elmo & Patsy
A lot of Christmas tunes toe the “novelty song” line, and I think “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” firmly falls into that category based on how shameless hokey it is.
The fact that someone decided to record a song about an elderly woman being the victim of a deadly hit-and-run involving Santa’s sleigh is a fairly wild development in itself, and the fact that it managed to have some serious staying power following its release in 1979 is even harder to believe.
“Dominick the Donkey”—Lou Monte
Speaking of Christmas novelty songs that make you want to stab yourself in the ear with a sharpened candy cane…
Every Christmas tradition was essentially made up by someone at some point, and I can’t knock Lou Monte for trying to will a new one into the zeitgeist in 1960 with a song about the “Italian Christmas donkey” we’re introduced to in one of the most unpleasant intros you’ll ever encounter.
The song revolves around the eponymous donkey delivering gifts to children in the mountains of Italy that the reindeer are unable to climb (which blatantly ignores the whole “ability to fly” thing), but I’d argue the best present Dominick could give is a kick in the head that makes you forget it exists.
“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”—Gayla Peevey
I promise this is the last animal-related Christmas song, and I do feel kind of bad dunking on it when you consider Gayla Peevy was just ten years old when she recorded it in 1953.
I do feel less bad after doing some research and discovering she actually got a hippo for Christmas after the song became a hit, as a newspaper launched a fundraising push to purchase the animal that she ultimately donated to the Oklahoma City Zoo.
The 1950s were a truly different time.
“Christmas Shoes”—NewSong
There’s a strange subgenre of Christmas music that can be described as “songs that are meant to make you actively depressed,” and “Christmas Shoes” might be the worst offender.
Why is that? Well, we’re talking about a song that attempts to capture the Christmas spirit of giving with the help of *checks notes* a poor child who cannot afford the shoes he was sent to the store to buy on Christmas Eve in the hopes he’ll be able to make it back in time to give them to his mother before she dies.
Ok then.
“Do They Know It’s Christmas?”—Band-Aid
I’m going to follow up one downer with another, which comes courtesy of the slew of notable names who came together to record the most sanctimonious song on this list in 1984.
Bob Geldof saw a news story about famine in Ethiopia that year and recruited a star-studded lineup of fellow musicians including Bono, Phil Collins, George Michael, and Sting to call attention to that plight.
It was an admirable endeavor that ended up raising more than $10 million for people in need, and it has been rerecorded over the decade to generate funds for other worthy causes. However, its musical merits are another topic of discussion entirely.
“Christmas Wrapping”—The Waitresses
I know this might be a somewhat controversial entry, as I can’t deny there are some merits to what is a fairly catchy tune that features an absolutely killer saxophone riff.
However, it’s defined by Patty Donahue’s (somewhat purposefully) grating vocals, which are dripping with an amount of Gen X ennui that makes for a largely unenjoyable listening experience. If there’s any song on this list that’s an acquired taste, it’s this one, but I just don’t have the appetite for it.
“Funky, Funky Xmas”—New Kids on the Block
The New Kids on the Block became an absolute sensation after dropping the album Hangin’ Tough in 1988, and they tried to capitalize on their newfound fame with a Christmas album the following year.
They ended up with another hit on their hands courtesy of “This One’s for the Children,” but they didn’t have the same success with “Funky, Funky Xmas” for reasons that should be clear when you listen to it.
“The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)”—Alvin and the Chipmunks
I guess you could argue I was lying when I said I wouldn’t have any more animal-related songs, but this one is in a different lane than the ones I previously mentioned.
I have to admit that I don’t personally find this song that aggravating, but I can’t make a list of the most annoying Christmas tunes without mentioning the one where the vocals were sped up to create the high-pitched harmonies that define the musical styling of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
“That’s Christmas To Me”—Pentatonix
Most of the songs I’ve mentioned so far were recorded a while ago, but artists are always grinding in search of a Christmas hit that will help them get a piece of the lucrative holiday pie.
The a capella singers who comprise Pentatonix are far from the only modern musicians who have gone that route, but this springs to mind as one of the more egregious examples in recent memory.
“Wonderful Christmastime”—Paul McCartney
I’m very aware this is not a spicy take by any means, but there’s a reason “Wonderful Christmastime” has earned a reputation as one of the worst (if not the worst) Christmas songs ever made. I’m not ranking these in any particular order, but if I were, this would firmly be at the top.
Paul McCartney may have cemented himself as a musical legend thanks to what he achieved with The Beatles, but he did everything in his power to sully his reputation with the song that opens with the synthesizer chords that have the ability to invoke a Pavlovian shudder amongst most people who’ve previously been forced to endure it.
It did give us a tweet that theorizes the song is actually about a group of people being interrupted in the middle of a witchcraft ritual, but that doesn’t cancel out the aural pain and suffering it’s caused since being unleashed on the world in 1979.