Dane Cook is the Nickelback of comedy. This is a fact that was established in, like, 2006, when he was stealing jokes from Louis C.K. and selling out Madison Square Garden to hordes of mouthbreathing fans with barbed wire tattoos wrapped around their arm. Like Four Loko and Ed Hardy shirts, Dane Cook is proof that just because something is popular doesn’t mean it’s good.
Thanks to a new comedy special on Showtime, Dane Cook’s stand-up comedy routine has suddenly become relevant again. In fact, he’s been on pretty much every single late night talk show over the last two weeks, making the rounds at breakneck pace. Cook’s sudden comedy relevant again after years of faceless voiceover work in Grand Theft Auto V and Planes is depressing for people like myself who despise his brand of douche-humor.
I guess what bothers me about Cook is that he became the poster child for Bro humor circa the mid-Aughts — my college years — back when Entourage was Sunday night appointment television and Facebook was still for people with .edu e-mail addresses. Jaegermeister, Dane Cook, Tucker Max and Axe Body were the go-to Bro stereotypes at the time.To some with their heads stuck in 2007, they still are. You basically couldn’t turn on Comedy Central or HBO without being reminded of his stand-up routine His popularity helped cement this idea that Bros exclusive laugh at jokes about “relationshits” and Vanessa Hudgens not keeping her cloths on. It’s the definition of try-hard insult humor.
Then he was (rightfully) accused of stealing Louis C.K.’s (and late, Joe Rogan’s) jokes, which put a pretty big foot in the comedy grave. Around the same time as Cook’s decline in popularity, all these great comedians who weren’t complete jackasses became popular, like Aziz Anasri, Zach Galifianakis, Patton Oswalt, Doug Benson, Joel McHale, and Todd Barry. Suddenly everyone with half-a-brain said “fuck this guy” and moved on, culturally speaking. The Bro humor stereotype, thankfully, went through a much needed evolution.
Anyway, last night suddenly-cool-again Dane Cook was on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live to chat with Andy Cohen. During a rapid-fire question sesh, Cohen asked Cook how many groupie girls he slept with during his college tour days. His answer shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that remembers Cook at the height of his popularity: “Hundreds.”
You probably came to BroBible expecting us to declare Dane Cook a “legend” for sleeping with so many girls. I don’t think that applies here. Many Bros have done more as less of a celebrity than Cook, all the while without bragging about it’s deserving of a gold medal. Certainly many musicians, athletes, and, hell, no-name studs have take-down lists in the triple digits, if not longer. But they’re not talking about it at the ripe age of 42 on national television because, really, who gives a shit how many people you slept with?
If Cook would have just pleaded The Fifth last night like Candy Crowley did, there’d be no reason for this rant to even exist. But he didn’t. He answered and did so with the not-so-subtle subtext of “I’M THE MAN,” making anyone watching cringe more than just a little bit.
Let’s think about that for a second. Cook was huge on college campuses from like 2002- 2007. That means most of the women he slept with back in the day are now 28 – mid-30s. Many, I’m sure, are married, maybe have some kids, probably have a career, and generally have a pretty nice, comfortable life. If they were watching Bravo TV last night — which is right in the sweet spot of the channel’s viewership demographic — I’m sure they vomited in their mouths a little bit when being reminded of being a notch in Cook’s proverbial bed post.
Here’s the clip.
If you need to cleanse yourself after watching that, here’s some sweet vindication from Cook’s Letterman interview a couple weeks ago. For a YouTube bit, Dane Cook told Tonight Show cameras about the worst time he ever bombed. It was at a show in his hometown of Boston where he was opening for Phish. The Phish fans got antsy and basically boo’d him off stage. Way to go, followers of the Helping Friendly Book.