Guy Who Eats A Pic Of Jason Segel Every Day Nearly Dies, Maybe Now Jason Will Notice
This might come as a bit of a surprise, but eating photographic paper isn’t good for your digestive system. There’s not a whole lot of nutrition in printer ink and it’s generally a good idea to avoid putting it inside of your belly.
However, desperate times call for desperate measures and this bro was so desperate to get Jason Segel‘s attention he threw a hail mary. That reach for the stars came in the form of this fuckboi eating a photograph of Jason Segel every. fucking. day. until Jason Segel ate a photograph of him.
Jason Segel’s a busy man. He’s also a rich man with a net worth valued at around $30 million. So I’m not sure why this dude thought he could get Jason Segel to eat a picture of him, but here we are, with this dude nearly dying.
It’s been 50 days now of Noah Maloney eating a photograph of Jason Segel every single day. He’s been chronicling this endeavor on YouTube (video below), but his brush with death shook him more than a little bit:
“I dunked a whole photo into a beer and tried to do it in one big ball/swallow and it lodged in my throat,” he told The Daily Dot in a recent interview. “I tried to get it down with more beer but it was stuck and there was 15 seconds where I came to terms with the fact that that was how I would go… Jason Segel would have killed me. But then I threw up the ball of paper and beer onto my friend and ate it after so it’s all good.”
You’d think a near-death experience might deter him from his journey. He even sounds a little fatigued. “It takes up a lot of our lives now,” he said in the interview. “Even though it’s such a simple task, it seems like such a drag and big deal out of my day every day. It’s not hard to keep going, it’s just boring.” via The AV Club
Here’s his video from yesterday in which Noah Maloney expresses no hope for the future, and a willingness to give up this crazy quest to get Jason Segel’s attention:
That wasn’t a good joke. Just like this isn’t a funny prank. This borders on stupid ass stalker territory. This is going to end with this dude in a hospital bed and Jason Segel feeling like shit because some guy has an unhealthy obsession with him. There’s no happy ending here, not when the premise is already stupid as shit.