Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more.
Strap in. It could get bumpy. These are the most entertaining celebrity tweets this week.
About 3x a month I regret not taking a photo of the wall that someone spray-painted "FUCK DIAPERS" on b/c now it's gone
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 2, 2015
That’s what happens when you procrastinate.
People who don't like writing by hand just haven't found the right pen yet.
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) March 2, 2015
He has a point.
"The average vagina is cleaner than the average foot" -@DrJAshton #dsf
— Jenny McC-Wahlberg (@JennyMcCarthy) March 2, 2015
Jenny McCarthy always has the best medical advice.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/572437747740385283
Impressive.
https://twitter.com/HEELZiggler/status/572442539971772416
And it’s also not hard (see: Internet).
It's Monday. Don't be a turd.
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) March 2, 2015
Solid advice for any day of the week.
https://twitter.com/DennisDMZ/status/572448604863905793
Dennis Miller is easily impressed.
Timely:
If bass = butt, then what's the treble in "no treble"? Education? Vagina? Charisma?— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 2, 2015
Dexterity.
Cowherd blasting Dan Patrick. Flores sonning Iggy Azalea. ESPN is the new nWo!
— Richard Deitsch (@richarddeitsch) March 2, 2015
At least it isn’t the new TMZ. Yet
This is gonna be a good year. Thankful
— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) March 2, 2015
Oh shut the hell up.
Why is it that whenever a show does a Jesus re-enactment he looks exactly like Jake Gyllenhaal?
— Rob Lowe (@RobLowe) March 2, 2015
Coincidence?
Jade looks great naked. Not that I googled it. Like…. a friend… showed me…. #TheBachelor
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) March 3, 2015
She totally Googled it.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/572643618181292032
And?
.@JustinBieber did u know that light has qualities of both a particle & a wave?
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) March 3, 2015
Nice of Rainn to keep JB in the loop.
I feel like Meghan Trainor is thisclose to recording a fun little dance song called "National Pancake Day"
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) March 3, 2015
And it will be a number one hit too.
I kinda like that this winter storm is called Thor. #avengers
— Neil Patrick Harris (@ActuallyNPH) March 3, 2015
Wait until we get hit by Wolverine.
Girl, before this thing between us goes any further, there's something about me you should know: I just shit my pants real bad
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 4, 2015
Classic pickup line.
What if flies on the wall were actually people reincarnated who tweeted that they wanted to be a fly on the wall
— josh groban (@joshgroban) March 4, 2015
Then they would have died rather recently.
I’d like mornings more if they were in the afternoon.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) March 4, 2015
Nooo shit.
https://twitter.com/HayleyAtwell/status/573116481749291008
Maybe it was just someone in a Peggy Carter wig.
https://twitter.com/GhostPanther/status/573168444704759809
Doing this later today.
I tell men Look at your erect penis in the mirror. That view often reassures them.
— Dr. Ruth Westheimer (@AskDrRuth) March 4, 2015
Of what?
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/573208096539090944
Must be brutal.
When is God going to run out of snow?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) March 5, 2015
I have determined…never.
i look at my phone's 100% battery icon with the same fondness as proud parents watching their children bounce out of bed yelling "pancakes!"
— Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) March 5, 2015
I have felt this pride, for my phone.
A shout out from @JudgeJudy would make anyone's day, thank you! The BEST! & Excellence are easy to spot, Judge Judy is it's highest level.
— Coach Harbaugh (@CoachJim4UM) March 5, 2015
He really likes Judge Judy apparently.
Where do I go to paid for parent-teacher conferences?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) March 5, 2015
If only…
"IT'S NOT EVEN THAT COLD OUTSIDE!" Says Kevin, the cool kid in class, wearing only a T-shirt during the school fire drill.
— Elizabeth Gillies (@LizGillies) March 5, 2015
I hate Kevin.
https://twitter.com/GottliebShow/status/573551906829811712
This is true.
I hand-knit a tiny shawl out of homegrown goats wool & bottle caps that says "Etsy is my jam".
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) March 5, 2015
I believe him.
https://twitter.com/jennettemccurdy/status/573727706585677824
Seems about right.
Is Harrison Ford 70 or 72? GET IT TOGETHER CABLE NEWS!!!!!!
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) March 6, 2015
He’s 70, his earring is 72.
IF IT IS NOT TO LATE PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELF
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) March 3, 2015
Have a great weekend, everybody.