Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy. These are the most entertaining celebrity tweets this week.
Well deserved Peyton. Congratulations on breaking my record. #Onto600 http://t.co/MEeffAlmeP
— Brett Favre (@BrettFavre) October 20, 2014
Righteous props.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/524062201817350144
Some people just don’t care.
Why don't they keep daylight saving time year round?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Been saying that for years.
https://twitter.com/JamesDeen/status/524183600758259712
Same here.
— Monica Lewinsky (she/her) (@MonicaLewinsky) October 20, 2014
Welcome to Twitter, Monica. Good luck.
If anybody should get to have a beef with how Hollywood depicts them, it's the people that run orphanages
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) October 20, 2014
No shit…
Happiness is a choice.
— Dove Cameron (@DoveCameron) October 20, 2014
Oh shut the hell up.
Isis Ebola would be a horrible name for a baby!
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 20, 2014
Has a nice ring to it though.
https://twitter.com/SethMacFarlane/status/524277775364923393
That’s really for the best anyway.
https://twitter.com/WhitneyCummings/status/524278922113212416
How sweet.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/524446073813598208
Food for thought.
According to a poll I conducted in my head, 95% of people who use the expression "first world problems" never give money to charity.
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) October 21, 2014
Seems accurate.
If you don't react when the Dr. hits your knee with the mallet, the Hippocratic Oath says he has to kill you with a shotgun right then.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 21, 2014
Little known fact.
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/524563414770024448
It does feel kind of odd.
https://twitter.com/DebbyRyan/status/524602939424264192
I’d pay money to see that on video.
https://twitter.com/lordemusic/status/524625567539150848
I wonder if it was a Timex, That’d be good.
I wonder why the feather from Forrest Gump stopped doing movies. I think it could have had a huge career.
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) October 21, 2014
Hollywood life just isn’t for everyone/thing.
"Can't wait to see who wins the senatorial elections! What an exciting race!" – thanks news media.
— Judah Friedlander (@JudahWorldChamp) October 22, 2014
Sarcasm abounds.
Know what I hate? "Creative" or "interesting" bathroom fixtures. I'm just trying to wash my awful balls.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 22, 2014
I hear you, Rob.
Toys R Us puts Breaking Bad toys on 'indefinite sabbatical.' Word on the street is that they were sent to Belize. Nicely played Florida Mom.
— Bryan Cranston (@BryanCranston) October 22, 2014
Walter White taken down by Florida Mom.
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/524944306730446848
But now he has a great story to tell.
I wish America would spend even half as much time complaining about plastics in our oceans as we do about actresses' plastic surgery.
— bettemidler (@BetteMidler) October 22, 2014
But seriously, did you see Renee Zellweger?
No Pain No Gain Young Kurt Cobain.
— Jaden (@jaden) October 22, 2014
He’s just so odd.
Bought a first class ticket for my mom. Cancelled it. And now being told we can't use any of the left over value. @AmericanAir is a joke.
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) October 22, 2014
Beadle not happy.
I would love to be the hitting coach of the oakland a's. I love oakland the fans made me feel wanted again at the reunion
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) October 22, 2014
Keep trying, Jose. Keep trying.
I’ve been in Dallas for an hour. I’ve gotten and cured myself of Ebola three times!!
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 22, 2014
Very impressive!
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/525152441244086273
Do people still use Discover?
https://twitter.com/daxshepard1/status/525183087378829314
Anyone?
@daxshepard1 I'm available.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 23, 2014
Problem solved.
LOVE someone today, if you don't have anyone to LOVE just stare in the mirror & LOVE yourself. If that doesn't work just masturbate…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) October 23, 2014
Words of wisdom.
Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you’re a wizard.
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) October 23, 2014
Plus wizards are cool.
CNN says, "Clue to Neanderthal mating found." It's a really nice car.
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) October 23, 2014
Never fails.
Back in the gym today and I can't wait!!! I might die
— Nicole Polizzi (@snooki) October 23, 2014
Don’t tease us.
I spend enough money buying my dog food and chew toys. No way I'm buying a damn costume for him.
— J.A. Adande (@jadande) October 23, 2014
But dogs just LOVE to get dressed up.
https://twitter.com/AdrianneCurry/status/525353849926590466
What if you don’t even have anyone you could brag about?
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/525386817382531072
He has a point.
.@ConanOBrien I'm considering going as hunky Conan O'Brien – but that might be too far fetched.
— Madeleine Albright (@madeleine) October 23, 2014
Boom, roasted.
https://twitter.com/aaronpaul_8/status/525395553308663809
He kind of has a point.
Come on "journalists", specifically explain what is considered a bodily fluid. Yes or no – can you get ebola from bukkake?
— Judah Friedlander (@JudahWorldChamp) October 24, 2014
Important question.
Goodnight Renee Zellweger you had me at GO FUCK YOURSELF
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) October 22, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!