MTV’s Buckwild: A Character Guide

by 7 years ago

​Let’s meet the characters

Shain Gandy

 

This guy is such a fucking gem. He’s about as smart as your uncle, you know the one who became a vegetable after that drunk driving accident, and that leads him to steal the show. He’s reason enough to watch the show. In his intro he grabs his dick and says 

“They call me Gandy Candy cause it’s trick or treat all year round.”

 

Anna

 

She says some bullshit that isn’t even worth repeating. She’s the fattest one of the pretty girls. She’s a fighter. Expect her to beat her husband.

 

Joey

 

“They call me Justin Beaver…I don’t know about the Justin…but you know about the Beaver.”

Maybe they should start calling you Captain Faggot.

 

Cara

 

 “I’m sort of the new girl in town. You can see me in a club in 5 inch heels or I can jump on a four wheeler and I’ll feel right at home.” 

Translation. I’m comfortable with stripping as a career path and if there was a swimming pool full of dicks somewhere then that’s where you’d find me. You’d definitely fuck her if you were like 3 neat whiskeys deep. 

 

Tyler

 

“People call me a pretty boy. I like to clean up for the women. I mean, everybody knows it.”

 He’s got the personality of one of those pet rocks some cunt fuck made millions off of in the 80’s. HOW much blow did EVERYONE do in the 80′. Pet rocks? Seriously. No wonder we invented social media. We need a constant support group to help each other understand what damage our parents did to us.

 

Shae

 

“Yea I’ve been called a Southern Belle, but I like to think of myself as one of the guys…just a lot sexier.”

She’s probably the only one who can gold dig her way out of this god forsaken shithole and into a comfortable life of sex slavery and thrice a day Xannie and wine fiestas with the richest man in like Spokane, Washington. You’d fuck her after 0 whiskeys.

 

Ashley

 

“Around here I’m known for trouble.”

 Then MTV cuts to her telling off her mom over the phone. She’s stupid and a tertiary character so don’t bother paying attention

Salwa

She’s clearly an actress playing a part. There’s no way they found this girl in the backwoods of West Virginia. A she’s too hot. B she’s indian…or portuguese…or some ethnicity that West Virginians wouldn’t allow to exist in West Virginia.

Jessie J

Shaes boyfriend. He has no introduction which means Shae is probably going to suck some other guys dick pretty soon into this series and break up with this guy. There’s a 99% chance this guy is sitting in jail right now after this show taped. He also has a daughter so if MTV has a heart they’ll set up some sort of a help fund for her.