This Year’s Oscars Are Already Ruined By The Academy’s Dumb New Acceptance Speech Policy

Tonight’s 88th Academy Awards will be a televised a bit differently than in past years. Producers are attempting to really limit the time of the winners’ acceptance speeches to 45 seconds and under this year, saying it will make the show go smoother.

As if playing some shitty music to usher off someone who JUST WON AN OSCAR isn’t bad enough, this year, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has asked each nominee to pre-write all the people they want to thank so that it can scroll across the bottom of the screen like a sports or news ticker would. Lame.

The Hollywood Reporter originally got the scoop on this year’s addition, if you will, to the Oscars telecast:

Nominees are being asked to submit a list of those they would like to thank should they win in advance of the Feb. 28 broadcast, which will air live on ABC, and then if they are called to the stage, a scroll of the names of those they wish to thank will run across the bottom of the screen.

The producers unveiled the new way for Hollywood’s biggest winners to express their gratitude on Monday at the Nominees Luncheon, which the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences held for more than 150 of this year’s nominees at the Beverly Hilton Hotel.

In reviewing past shows, Hill explained, “Acceptance speeches have become a list of names and more often than not, time ran out before something could be spoken from the heart about the art, about the vision, about the experience, about the meaning of the moment.” He added, “We needed to rethink how this could be a better experience for everyone.”

Personally, I hate the idea, because I feel like it stands not only against the traditional way speeches have been delivered at the awards show, but also kind of contradicts the whole notion of getting up and actually giving an acceptance speech and thanking the people who mean the most in that moment.

Like, the whole idea of winning an Oscar is so that you can get up on stage and be speechless and shocked and overwhelmed and not know who to thank or what you’re even trying to say, whether it’s a political rant or what have you. That’s the beauty of the show! The people on your team already know you’re thankful for them, duh. If they don’t there’s probably a reason. And if someone wants to talk for a minute and 15 seconds, let them do it! This is the goddamn Oscars! Once a year kind of thing. Nobody, and I mean nobody is in a rush to watch their local news or whatever bullshit programming comes on afterwards. People want exhilarating acceptance speeches, dammit!

Plus, it’s going to be late on a Sunday evening and I’m going to be (at least) a bottle of wine deep. How the fuck am I supposed to both listen to someone’s speech AND conjointly read who the want to thank, too!? Nope, not happening. You can have it one way or the other, Oscars. But not both.

I’ll be listening to the speeches, obviously. Might even put a piece of tape over the bottom of the screen just in defiance of the Academy’s new policy. The people who deserve the thanks will be mentioned by mouth, for sure. These are the best line-deliverers in the world weore’ talking about, after all…

[h/t MentalFloss]