First World Problem: you want to hatch your eggs in Pokemon GO, but the sunlight burns your albino skin and the excess fat surrounding your knees makes them ache when you walk more than 200 feet.
First World Solution: grab some tape, glue, twine, whatever – and stick your phone to a rotating surface so that the GPS thinks you’re moving, when in reality you’re eating Wendy’s and waiting for your Pokemon egg to hatch.
Technically this works…but is it actually any fun? No. Get off your ass and go for a walk, loser.