It Turns Out Ryan Gosling Cries After Sex Like A Little Bitch
I’ve spent my entire 21 years on this planet thinking that Ryan Gosling is the fucking MAN. Yo, The Notebook? Crazy, Stupid, Love? He KILLS the “I’m a MAN and I’m going to fuck bitches and get money, everyone admire how much of a boss I am” role in those moves. And then we’ve got Drive, where he actually fucks bitches and gets money.
But new information has come to light that shows Ryan Gosling may, in fact, actually be a crying vagina.
” Ryan Gosling brought movie fans to tears in The Notebook. But on one date, it was Ryan who turned on the waterworks.
‘He was the best lover I’ve ever had,’ recalls a curvy blonde, who shared a night of passion with Ryan after meeting him at a nightclub. But once the lovemaking was over, things took a turn.
‘I thought I heard him sniffling,’ she says. ‘Then I realized he had tears gushing down his face. I asked if he was all right, and he said he gets emotional sometimes.’”
[From Star Magazine, print edition]
What the fucking fuck? Ryan Gosling cries after sex like a little bitch? Any wetness I had going on from searching for Ryan Gosling gifs just completely evaporated. It’s like the fuckin’ Mojave Desert now. Getting “emotional sometimes” is okay (if you’re a fucking puss), but doing it after sex is the most awkward, unpleasant, cringe-worthy time to let the tears flow. In fact, here’s a list of awful moments for grown men to start crying that are somehow STILL better than crying after sex:
1. Getting a papercut
2. Being told that The Bachelorette just got cancelled
3. Petting kittens
4. Watching The Notebook
5. Running out of milk in your bowl before you run out of cereal, then adding milk, but then running out of cereal before you run out of milk
Admittedly, #5 is really fucking annoying. But getting frustrated and table flipping your breakfast onto the ground is still more masculine than sobbing uncontrollably post-coitus.