Director Kevin Smith takes a shot at the horror film genre with Tusk — out now in theaters.
What’s It About?
In Tusk, Justin Long is a podcaster who travels to Canada to interview an old man about his life travels. After Long goes missing, his best friend (Haley Joel Osment), girlfriend (Genesis Rodriguez) and a former cop (Johnny Depp) go looking for him.
Who’s In It?
Now say what you want about Justin Long being in bad movies recently and blah blah blah, but you know what, he’s funny and was in a bunch of hilarious movies like Dodgeball, Accepted and The Break-up, so I will always love him. Haley Joel Osment comes out of the fucking woodwork, about 40 pounds heavier, and absolutely dominates his role. Genesis Rodriguez has a substantial role. I would do disgusting and illegal things to spend a night with her. Finally, there’s Michael Parks, who plays a psycho hell-bent on giving me nightmares until I’m old and wrinkly.
Oh and I forgot to mention that Johnny Depp 100% crushes his performance in Tusk and saves the movie. Fuck it, he is the movie.
How Is It?
Right off the bat, I was loving Tusk. It was Long and Osment as podcasters riffing back and forth in their studio. It was pure gold and it got me all giddy like a pedophile at a preschool. When we were finally getting our first glimpse of the psycho, he and Long have a long dialogue scene and it is magical. It’s magical because even though it was scary/creepy, the old man character was a phenomenal storyteller and Kevin Smith (the writer/director) obviously wrote some unreal dialogue for those stories. That in itself is why I love movies because if you can tell me a great story that captivates me then you have me won over instantaneously and my panties will be off by daybreak.
Anyway, right after this long scene was the big shift in the movie. Here’s what I was thinking from that point on; WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING? I’m not opposed to disturbing shit at all but there is certainly a limit. There also has to be some shred of a reason. Don’t just show me unbelievably fucked up stuff and say, “here look at it.” So, what is your reason Kevin Smith? You wanted to make Tusk a dark comedy? Fuck that and fuck this movie. The movie was thoroughly entertaining and then BOOM!, out of nowhere, a complete mind fuck.
Deciding on a final rating had me torn up for a while because the comedic/lighthearted parts of Tusk deserve a 4 out of 5 cup rating but the rest should get a solid 0. I decided that the funny parts AREN’T WORTH WATCHING the rest of this movie just to see them. If you’re thinking about buying a ticket for this movie… don’t. If you read this and said “Kasey’s an idiot, it’s not gonna be that bad” then I hope your movie stub falls into your popcorn somehow and then you end up swallowing it and dying right after the movie ends so that not only will you be dead but you also had to sit through this pile-of-wolf-shit movie. FINAL RATING: 1 1/2 out of 5 solo cups
If you liked Tusk then check out…
The Human Centipede – Any sick-minded, degenerate, inbred fuck who liked this will love The Human Centipede because they are literally the same movie minus the comedy.
The Cabin in the Woods – If you like comedy mixed with horror this is by far the best recent horror movie parody and I’d give it a HARD 4.5/5 because it is that great and hilarious.