This sketch is my life. For all I know, it might be your life, too. Congratulations if it is. I mean that sincerely; never having to do shit you don’t want to do is one of the finer things in life. And I’d actually love to meet up with you tonight to “grab beers” and “catch up” about our shared love of excuses, but unfortunately I can’t because I have an appointment to get my asshole bleached. Maybe next month, though. But probably not, I’m pretty jammed up then, too. You know, have to get a head start on filing my 2014 taxes.