20 Steps To Becoming An Over-Hyped Vodka Cranberry-Drinkin’ Professional DJ

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Step one: wear all black

Step two: adopt some vaguely-European accent that’s too vague to place, yet douche enough that people talking to you assume you’re Dutch, Swedish, etc.

Step three: press play

Step four: do you really need a step four? You already look and sound like a cockwad. Might be time to quit while you’re ahead.