Let’s face it, these are strange and terrible times and there’s a very good chance that at some point we’re all going to be forced to live in a society that is half The Walking Dead and half The Hunger Games. And in that society, we’re all going to need the best survival tools to, well, you know, survive.
Or, perhaps you just want something to keep you alive if you get lost in the woods or your car breaks down. Either way.
But regardless of the actual situation, it’s a very good idea to equip yourself just in case. Better safe than sorry and all that. And you definitely won’t be sorry if you arm yourself with these essential survival tools, which include everything from pocket knives to Leatherman tools to hand-crank radios. Everything on this list will keep you alive even when nature wants to kill you.
Sharpal 6-in-1 Pocket Knife Sharpener
This little dude fits right in your pocket, making it a great everyday carry survival multi-tool. Tungsten carbide blades can hone any blade or sharp edge you need to make, well, sharper, while an emergency whistle and fire starter keep you safe and warm without having to haul out the big guns. You can even sharpen fish hooks with this, which may not seem like a big deal, but you’ll be thankful when the fishmen come for you. Oh yes.
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Life Bivy Emergency Sleeping Bag
Pro tip: you can’t survive if you freeze to death. And this extra thick mylar sleeping bag will see through that cold night when your car runs off the road in a blizzard. The drawstring is even made from paracord and has a survival whistle attached so you can make sure that one cold night doesn’t turn into two, or three, or forever.
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Victorinox Swisscard Lite Pocket Tool
Credit card sized survival tools are handy, but let’s face it, most are pretty flimsy. But this 13-function tool comes from Victorinox, that famed Swiss maker of knives, watches and everything else the Swiss do better than anyone. That means that it will hold up better than the rest when you need it the most, whether that be a blade, a pair of tweezers or a simple straight edge. This card has you covered.
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Sportsman Pocket Chainsaw
Look, you never know when you’re gonna have to chainsaw your way out of a sticky situation. Or, you know, just cut through some fallen branches. Either way. It may not seem like a big deal, but when you’re trapped, you’ll be thanking God you remembered to stuff this in your pocket before you left the house.
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Single and Double Camping Hammock with Mosquito Net
The ability to sleep through the night without getting malaria or eaten to death by gnats is a pretty damn good survival tool. This parachute nylon hammock will do the trick, as you just sling it up, attach the netting, and you’ve got a portable fortress to work from. Sometimes, survival means simply thinking ahead.
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Rhino USA Folding Survival Shovel
A good military style entrenching shovel can be the difference between life and death when you’re out there all alone, and this foldable beauty can be hauled with you everywhere you go. Made from tough carbon steel, it will dig through whatever ground you need it to, while the pickaxe that comes with it ensures that you’ll be able to break through those extra-tough complications along the way.
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INGEAR autoXscape Vehicle Mounted Lifesaving Flashlight
A good flashlight is a necessity in the survival game, but a flashlight that’s also built to serve as a car window breaker, with an attached seatbelt cutter, is a true survival gem. This is the sort of thing you don’t realize how much you need until, well, until you really need it. It can be the true difference between life and death in an accident situation.
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LifeStraw Personal Water Filter
You can’t survive if you can’t get any clean water to drink. It’s that simple. This straw, though, eliminates virtually every bacteria or parasite known to man, meaning that, yes, in a pinch, you can drink from that mud puddle with a dead squirrel floating in it. I mean, it’s better than dying, right? Kinda?
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‘100 Deadly Skills: Survival Edition’
Guess what? Your best survival tool is always going to be your mind. Stop making that wanking motion and listen, okay? This book of 100 survival skills was compiled by a Navy SEAL based on experiences in the goddamn killing fields, so I think it can probably help you survive a week or two camping. But really, it doesn’t matter what tools you have if you don’t understand how to use them, or how to use the environment around you. This book carries you longer than any single tool could.
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Holtzman’s Survival Kit Paracord Grenade
Okay, okay, so the “grenade” is really just a cool gimmick, but still, pretty cool, right? Inside is where you’ll find the goods, though. 48 of them, in fact. 48 tools that will help you survive whatever crazy mess you got yourself into this time. I won’t list all the tools, but needless to say it’s a ridiculous amount of survival goodies in one kickass package. Take it with you wherever you go, and when the shit gets real, just pull the pin and baby, you’re winning the game.
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Leatherman Super Tool 300 Multi-Tool
When it comes to multi-tools, Leatherman is the undisputed champ. And this survival tool, in particular, with nineteen different tools, will keep you in the game. It has everything from a saw to an electrical crimper on there, and to show you that they’re serious, Leatherman gives you a 25-year (!) guarantee.
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Always Prepared First Aid Medical Kit
A first aid kit is kind of a no-brainer, but you have to make sure you get yourself a good one. And this… this is a good one. In addition to all the usuals (bandages, scissors, etc.), this 100-piece kit also contains a compass, a poncho, a whistle, a CPR mask and a Mylar blanket. This isn’t just about first-aid. This is a full-on survival kit.
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Trucker’s Friend All Purpose Survival Tool
This nasty piece of work was made especially for truckers, but as you can see, it’s also a killer survival tool for anyone out there alone in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. You can do just about anything with this tool that a trucker would need to do to keep his rig on the road regardless of conditions, so it should definitely help you keep your Chevy Lumina moving, especially when the zombies come.
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Gerber Bear Grylls Survival Hatchet
Multi-tools are nice, but sometimes a single dedicated tool can be necessary, especially for harder jobs. This survival hatchet by our boy Bear Grylls is just such a tool. Whether you’re chopping trees to build yourself a shelter or just need something to fight off whatever monsters live in the woods, this will save your life.
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Survive Outdoors Longer Origin Survival Tool
This is just a good, solid survival kit that contains just about anything you could ever need. A knife, a compass, sewing needles, fishing line and fish-hooks… I could go on and on. I mean, how are you going to argue with a survival kit that even includes aluminum foil? This kit has you covered.
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First Secure 90 Piece Roadside Emergency Kit
Speaking of your car, this 90-piece roadside emergency kit will keep you in the game whether you have a bad accident or just break-down in the middle of nowhere. It comes with tools to get your car going again – jumper cables, a tire repair kit, an air compressor – and a first-aid kit in case things get really messed up. Basically, it’s got you covered no matter what you need.
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This pocket-size tool is a knife first, but it’s also an LED light, seat belt cutter, glass breaker and a fire starter. That’s a whole lot of comfort to be able to keep in your front pocket.
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Gerber Bear Grylls Ultimate Serrated Knife
A pocket-knife is cool, but as my man Crocodile Dundee once said, now this is a knife. And it’s a knife vouched for by our other boy, Bear Grylls. Look, I shouldn’t have to explain the appeal of a knife, not to mention the need for one. Anytime you can call a tool a weapon and vice-versa, you’ve got yourself something worth carrying.
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Leatherman Tread Bracelet
Look, I had to include one big-baller survival tool, and it’s appropriate that it’s by Leatherman. This bracelet carries the Leatherman promise of quality (let’s note that 25-year guarantee again) but it also serves as a kickass and manly bracelet. A goddamn steel-tread bracelet. Wear it to the bar, wear it to work, wear it camping, wear it while you bone-down. Just, uh, be careful with that last one. That’s because this bracelet contains 29 screwdriver and wrench tools, along with a cutting hook, a bottle opener and even a sim card tool and glass breaker. Now that’s fashion.
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The BroBible team writes about gear that we think you want. Occasionally, we write about items that are a part of one of our affiliate partnerships and we will get a percentage of the revenue from sales.