Look, we know you’re about to be bombarded with posts by friends swearing off alcohol and sugar and suddenly training for a marathon. Ignore them. The ‘New You’ is probably going to be exactly like the ‘Old You,’ just slightly more hungover.
Leslie Cohen is a writer of comedy and dating and the author of three novels: Summer Skate, This Love Will Self-Destruct, and My Ride or Die. Follow her on Instagram at @lesliecohenauthor.
Sure, you could treat this as a time for promises. A time for change. A time to say: ‘I choose to be optimistic, even if my friends won’t like me as much.’ But let’s be real.
Here is some unsolicited, un-inspirational wisdom to get you through the year without losing your mind.
Time flies. But the good news is: you can always crash the plane.
If you can’t say anything bad about a vacation, don’t say anything at all.
Never let low self-esteem or a lack of skills or preparedness interfere with your happiness. You’re surrounded by idiots.
Life is like a pretzel. It has twists and turns and sometimes it’s not that great.
Turn your pain into wisdom… or comedy… or alcoholism.
Sometimes a person doesn’t open up the way you want them to. This is also true of bananas.
Don’t keep knocking on a door that won’t open. But also don’t build your own door. Only certain people can do that.
If somebody bothers you but you’re lonely without them, they’re probably your sibling.
Dance like nobody’s watching. But don’t make plans like your hair is always going to look this good. It’s unlikely.
If someone wrongs you, forgive them. But know that your parents never will, even if you told them twenty years ago and it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Be lighthearted but heavy-footed. That’s right. Really stomp around.
Don’t allow rejection to move you. Stay in the same country you started in.
There are no certainties in this world except that at some point, somebody will tell you to meditate.
If you keep trying without limiting yourself, you might just get what you want. If you keep talking without limiting yourself, you might just be in therapy.
Have the courage to say no and the good sense to know that you can always say yes and get out of it later.
Great friends will give you great advice. Or they’ll quote a song and try to pass that off as wisdom and you can nail them on it.
Go in the general direction of your dreams. Go blindfolded and hold out a stick. You’ll hit one eventually.