via BroBible / 1st Phorm / Canva
Look, we’ve all been there. You’re three hours into a hike, or stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way to the mountain, and the hunger rage sets in. You pull into a gas station and stare at the spinning rack of “meat snacks” that look like they were cured during the Reagan administration. You eat one. You immediately regret it.
It’s time to stop eating gas station mystery meat. Gentlemen, elevate your snack game.
I recently stumbled upon 1st Phorm High-Protein Meat Sticks, and frankly, I’m obsessed. I started eating them to get “jacked up for my days” (scientific term), but they have quickly morphed into my go-to survival tool for every imaginable outdoor scenario. My endurance-athlete brother-in-law just took a couple of these on a 60-mile, 28-hour trek through the Santa Monica Mountains, so you know they’re legit.
Here is why these things are currently taking up 40% of the real estate in my backpack.
BUY NOW VIA 1ST PHORM – 30 COUNT $79.99
The Stats… Because We All Care About Macros Now
Most jerky is basically salt-cured shoe leather dipped in sugar. 1st Phorm actually respects your gains.
- Protein: 18g per stick. That is a serious number.
- Calories: ~170.
- The Bad Stuff: Zero. No MSG, no nitrates, no added sugar.
- Origin: 100% Grown, butchered, and packaged in the USA.
These meat sticks are huge in the best possible way. True bang for your buck. But let’s talk about the vibe, because eating a meat stick is a situational art form.
Situation 1: The “Sherpa” Hike
10,000 feet up. Calves burning. You need fuel, not cardboard.
The Play: Grab a 1st Phorm Jalapeño Heat. Spice wakes you up. It’s a clean protein hit that doesn’t sit like a brick in your stomach.
Situation 2: The “I-70 Parking Lot” Road Trip
GPS says 4 hours. Reality says 7. You’re bored, and boredom leads to snacking.
The Play: Grab a 1st Phorm Teriyaki Seasoned protein stick. Tangy, savory, and zero grease on the steering wheel. At 18g of protein, you stay full and avoid the sketchy rest stop chip aisle.
Situation 3: The Ski Lift Pocket Snack
Eating meat on a chairlift is a rite of passage that’s so primal. I always load up on protein bars, oranges, and something meaty… occasionally a leftover burrito.
The Play: Breakfast Sausage. Missed actual breakfast for first tracks… This tastes like victory. Essential lift-line fuel.
via 1st Phorm
The Flavor Roster
1st Phorm didn’t just phone it in with “Regular” and “Spicy.” The lineup runs deep:
- Breakfast Sausage: Tastes like Sunday morning.
- Honey Chipotle: Sweet heat. A distinguished gentleman’s choice.
- Italian Style: Herb-forward. Fancy enough to eat with your pinky out, yet talk like you’re on MTV’s Jersey Shore.
- Jalapeño Cheddar: Spicy cheese. The GOAT combo.
- Jalapeño Heat: For when you want to feel something.
- Original Smokehouse: The classic. Don’t fix what isn’t broken.
- Seasoned BBQ: Tangy and smoky.
- Sharp Cheddar: Rich and savory.
- Teriyaki Seasoned: Umami-forward and slightly sweet.
You can keep gambling on the gas station roulette, or you can stock up on something that actually fuels the machine. They come in packs of 15, which sounds like a lot until you realize you’ve eaten three of them before you even made it to the trailhead.
Price: ~$45 for a 15-pack via 1stPhorm.com. Or, if you know you’re going to crush them, grab the 30-pack for $79.99 to save some cash. (That drops it to under $2.70 a stick. Do the math.)
BUY NOW VIA 1ST PHORM – 30 COUNT $79.99