via Horzbath
Let’s address the elephant in the room immediately: the name “Horzbath” is funny.
Hysterical, even.
To the uninitiated, J.B. Horzbath sounds like a 19th-century railroad tycoon who twirls his mustache while tying a damsel to the tracks. But if you grew up with a certain type of grandfather, or if you’ve watched enough Austin Powers, you know the truth.
Simply put, Horzbath makes massive, heavy-duty body wipes designed to scrub the funk off you when a shower just isn’t an option.
The brand is the brainchild of Mike Yamin, whose grandfather was a Korean War veteran with a permanent smile and a penchant for military slang.
He was a Korean War veteran and I remember him saying two phrases from that era that really stuck with me,” Mike says. “One was ‘shit on a shingle’ and the other was ‘whore’s bath.'”
For years, the phrase was just a collection of sounds to Mike. It wasn’t until later in life—while brainstorming a solution for men who work hard, play hard, and smell terrible doing it—that the term popped back into his head. He knew he couldn’t slap the uncensored phrase on a package and sell it on Amazon, so he did the classy thing: he gentrified it. He gave it a monocle and a top hat.
Thus, Horzbath was born.
But here is the twist: while the branding is a joke, the product is deadly serious. These aren’t those flimsy, baby-sized wipes that disintegrate the moment they touch stubble.
Horzbath wipes are 12″ x 12″. That is massive. That is “one wipe for the whole body” territory. They are quilted, thick, and durable enough to survive a scrub-down after a wrestling match or a double-black diamond run.
Unlike the “tub of wipes” you keep in your car that inevitably dries into a brick of useless paper, Horzbath wipes are individually wrapped. This is the game-changer for ski season. You can slide two into your jacket pocket or bibs without adding bulk, and give yourself a Horzbath on the lift after a run.
Why You Need Them This Winter?
We all know the specific tragedy of winter sports: you dress for -10 degrees, but after three hours of aggressive skiing, your base layers are soaked in sweat. You are a humid swamp trapped inside a Gore-Tex shell.
When you peel off that gear for après-ski drinks, you don’t want to be the guy radiating “Eau de Locker Room.”
A quick Horzbath uses Mandelic Acid and Tea Tree Oil to actually neutralize the odor and exfoliate the grime, rather than just masking it with cheap perfume. You get a light, neutral green tea scent, and you’re ready to rejoin civilization.
So, here’s to Mike’s grandpa.
He might have called it a “whore’s bath,” but we’ll stick with J.B. Horzbath. It’s the same principle, just with a lot more class and a much better smell.