Each year, retail giant Neiman Marcus releases its Christmas Book for the mega rich and mega idiotic. The lavish guide caters to the one-percenters who are so wealthy and so pompous that they are likely to curb stomp the living shit out of anyone who dares give them a gift with a retail value of less than $25,000. I think we can all agree that that’s a difficult price-point to shop for. What does one get a person who literally has everything?
Thankfully, the saints at Neiman Marcus exist, because if there’s one pitfall to being rich, it’s seeing all these gift guides during the holiday season catering to the world’s peasants while you’re stuck thinking about what you can buy for $475,000 all by your lonesome. It must be fucking agony.
Let’s see some of this year’s highlights!
House of Creed Bespoke Fragrance Journey
Speaking of $475,000 budgets, you can buy this House of Creed Bespoke Fragrance Journey for that exact amount. The gift includes a trip for two to Paris and legendary rock frontman Scott Stapp urinating directly onto your person as he serenades you with “My Sacrifice.” Truly the perfect gift for anyone who wants to reek of decadence.
What’s that you say? This gift has nothing to do with Scott Stapp? Nonsense. This gift is utter shit without that.
Limited-Edition Maserati Ghibli S Q4
Truthfully, there is one item in this guide that is worth a second look, because it won’t get you dirty looks from people who know you purchased it. It is this $90,000, Limited-Edition Maserati Ghibli S Q4. I know some gearhead is going to comment that this car is a piece of shit and that there are far more superior cars at that price-point. Well, guess what, hotshot? I know jack shit about cars, but when my options are buying my loved one this car, a fucking peacock sculpture from hell or $55,000 monogrammed linens, I’m going to choose this car.
That’s it. Now go and enjoy that new iPhone 6 Santa brings you, ya poor bastards.
Click here for the rest of this year’s Neiman Marcus Fantasy Gift Guide