Fellas, it’s all-pumpkin-everything time of year. The sacred time of the year when we flex our biceps in flannel, draft our fantasy football teams, and start to question our sanity when the guy at the auto parts store asks us if we’d like to buy motor oil with a cinnamon twist.
It’s an annual autumn ritual to go from excitement about the return of pumpkin beers to questioning reality. “Really? Pumpkin spice dog treats? Why?”
Because why not? Because capitalism, that’s why.
I don’t know if you’ve been to the grocery store lately, but pumpkin spice season is out in full force right now. If you’re going a little too hard on the pumpkin spiced burrito seasoning, there’s now a way to deal with that cinnamon and nutmeg-induced diarrhea: Pumpkin Spice Dude Wipes, aka the brand’s new Dumpkin Spice-scented wipes.
For a limited time, you can buy these limited edition packs of fall-scented wipes in a three-pack on Amazon. The extra-large wipes are scented with clove and nutmeg, plus other “fall-ish” scents. Your posterior will smell like pumpkin patch instead of a Taco Tuesday gone awry.
At the very least, they make for a good conversation starter when you bring them to the tailgate to deal with a parking lot portajohn. Life’s a bit. Might as well as commit to the bit and go all-in this Pumpkin Spice season.