It’s an Almost All-American Version of This Week’s Hottie Index

Aaryn Gries
Give some credit to the producers of Big Brother. They made sure to light up this summer’s houseguests with a high proportion of good-looking females. I’d probably bang at least six of the girls willingly and wouldn’t kill myself if I ended up in bed with the other two. The best of the bunch is Gries, a college student from Texas who also has a modeling background. The problem is she turned out to be a racist and homophobe on live television and was fired by her modeling agency. Oops! I’d still bang that racism right out of her.

Kaley Cuoco

Cuoco has steadily risen in popularity among hot TV actresses over the last few years. The big wigs are catching on to her shtick too as she’s recently picked up ads for Toyota and (That’s slightly better than admitting you once had bad skin in the Proactiv commercials as she was doing before.) Shit is so good for her these days that she’s banging Superman. Henry Cavill may be taking her down to distract attention from the mediocre reviews his movie received, but things are still moving in the right direction for Cuoco.

Jessie James
It’s the beginning of July, which means we’re only two months away from football season! That means we’re two months away from you really caring about Eric Decker’s stats, but take a look at his wife’s stats while in a bikini in Hawaii. James is also a country singer, but chances are you’re more likely to associate her with Decker or smoking hot body. Given that Decker’s injuries in college almost derailed his NFL career, he’s probably grateful for how his life has turned out.

Jessica Alba
The Dark Angel may have two kids, but her you couldn’t tell when looking at her recent shoot in the French edition of Glamour magazine. But it begs the question, why did she choose the French edition over the U.S. one if the shoot was going to be released during the week of our national holiday? Oh, she’s looking smoking hot in her cut-off shirts and cleavage-baring tops? Then we’ll forgive her. We’ll call it the spreading of American pride around the world.

Kirsty MacClaren
The attention paid to soccer is steadily growing in the U.S. It would increase even further if all the players on the national team had WAGs as attractive as the European stars do. Even the second-rate European stars have hot WAGs as is evident by MacClaren. Her underachieving husband, Darren Bent, isn’t good enough to play more than 13 games for the English team in 7 years. But hey, he’s married to a girl with a tremendous rack that stopped me in my tracks. And even though the photos from their vacation are a week old, I felt they had to be included because udders like this should never be overlooked.