The Good Ole’ Break Up : Crazy Girlfriend Edition

I was dating this girl for 9 months, everything was good and by everything I mean the sex. She was an over the top over bearing control freak who needed to know what I was doing and who I was doing it with, which wouldve been completely okay with me if i didnt get phone calls every half hour of her whining about how, “I know youre with your friends, I feel like a burden.” Me trying to be the nice guy, I played along and told her she wasnt being one, which could not have been farther from the truth. These are just monotonous things that most guys deal with at some point so I easily could have overlooked them as i have done before. However, on occasion, and by occasion I mean everytime we hung out, and we had a disagreement; she would pretend to hyperventilate and “pass out.” SHE WOULD LITERALLY HOLD HER BREATHE LIKE SHE PASSED OUT. Nut case right? Gets even better, I could ask her what she ate for lunch if we went out to eat together and she would lie about it, she would lie about everything she did, start to finish. (this outta tell you how good the sex really was)

Anyways, the breaking point for me came when she crushed my manhood and my “bro-dom” when she contacted this person I had issues with, and told him I wouldnt be “hurting him” and that Im a genuinely “nice and soft guy and wouldnt hurt a fly.” After reading such bullshit, I decided it was best off I break up with her, but at the age of 18 I figured it would be a good idea to break up with her via text because of her crazy compulsions with the passing out and the chronic lying, I figured she would try to kill me or herself. If im not a psychic I dont know who is, that same exact day, within 1 hour of me sending the break up text, I get a text back reading, “This is ******* friend and shes in the hospital right now, she hyperventilated and passed out at school. She flat-lined on the the way to the hospital but they were able to bring her back to life.” I immediately smelled bullshit, but I figured id humor the situation and asked which hospital so I could visit and check on her well being. Got no response until 5 hours later, when I receive another text saying, ” Hey its ******, Im doing okay, im home now. The doctor told me to take it easy for a few days. ” Still humoring this situation, I show up at her house. This is when i had all I could do not to laugh, not only did she try to sell me she “died” and was brought back to life, but she was home within 5 hours of that happening. I may not be a medical professional, but I know enough that they are not sending you home after youre heart just stopped beating. So I walk in, and she wrapped herself in ace bandage around her sternum and lower chest, and pretended to cough a lot. I just about had enough at this point, so I told her to cut the act and it was over for good.
2 weeks later, im hearing that she told people I was controlling, and manipulative. Lesson to Bros everywhere – if she seems crazy, dont break up via text. It kills people.