Blazed Movie Reviews: ‘The Wolverine’

20th Century Fox

I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do is get high and watch movies. In the comic books, Wolverine is a huge alcoholic because his mutant healing factor reverses the effects of drinking almost immediately, making him have to consume booze basically constantly to get any kind of buzz. I know potheads who are like that – their body has built up a natural tolerance to weed and it takes more and more of it, more frequently, to keep them where they need to be. But what happens when that mutant power goes away? That’s the premise of The Wolverine.

This is a pretty good flick. It’s more self-contained than the first Wolverine movie, which was kind of a silly mess. The most boring part about Wolverine is his “origin” and his “mysterious past.” He’s the kind of character where you can just put him in any situation that requires mayhem and have it work. In this movie, he’s living in the Yukon like an animal until old contacts from Japan track him down and bring him there to fulfill an old friend’s dying request. Once there, he becomes embroiled in a plot to steal his healing factor and a number of iconic comic book villains.

It’s messy and kind of incoherent (why all of these colorful characters are pissed off at each other isn’t always clear) but it’s a perfect movie to see high because everything’s awesome to look at, moves very fast and is sufficiently violent to excite the pleasure centers of the brain. Hugh Jackman has been playing Wolverine for like 20 years and is pretty good at it by now. The chick playing Yukio (the one with the red hair) is awesome and I wish the movie had more of her. The Silver Samurai (which I won’t spoil) is pretty owny as well and the last fight has some seriously “god DAMN” moments in it.

It’s a good movie, a good superhero movie and a good action movie. Of course, since it’s a Marvel movie, stay after the credits for a teaser for X-Men: Days Of Future Past.

Disclaimer: I fixed all the spelling and grammar errors but left all the other stupid stuff in.