Christian water park banning thongs in the name of Jesus


Splash Kingdom Family Waterparks is planning to open a new park in the tiny Texas town of Brazoria.

Even though the town sounds like a discount store for braziers, the Splash Kingdom people want everyone to know from the get-go that scantily clad ladies will not be tolerated in this place of worship and waterworks.

“A family friendly dress code will be strictly enforced,” said Johnny Blevins, the Splash Kingdom Family Waterparks president and CEO, in an interview with the Houston Chronicle, “which includes a no-thong policy, a ban on excessively revealing swimwear, no denim– and employees have the right to ask any scantily clad patrons to put on more clothes.”

Jesus doesn’t want your forbidden fruits hanging out young lady, so put a cover-up on!

The company website does not specify dress code, or define exactly what “excessively revealing” means, but basically if you can’t wear it to church then you can’t wear it while gliding down the lazy river.

“Our goal is to glorify God while providing a fun, safe recreational area for families,” said Blevins.

The $6.5 million attraction takes up over 35 acres of land and will include many popular bible-themed rides like The Last Splash Station of Christ — where park patrons carry a massive raft on their shoulders while waiting in line for hours — The Body Board of Christ wave pool, John the Baptist’s Dunk Tank and Moses’ Red Sea Adventure.

The park will also feature family-friendly refreshment areas like Larry’s Last Supper (parties of 12 and over only) and Jesus Christ, Have We Got Churros!

[via Fox News]