NBC
Last Comic Standing had enough funny stand-up, hilarious one-liners and cringe-worthy bits to last an entire season.
Of the countless comics who performed, and all of the material that made it on TV, here are ten best jokes from last night’s show.
“I was standing there, playing Skee Ball, trying to win enough tickets to get a vasectomy”
— Dave Landau on visiting Chuck E. Cheese
“If you look under your chairs. FREEDOM! You get a map! And you get a map!”
— Tracy Ashley on Oprah leading the Underground Railroad
“I inherited her parents, white parents, if you don’t have them, go get some. They’re amazing!”
— Erik Rivera on his in-laws
“Did you know young girls are getting boob jobs for graduation now? Shouldn’t that be what you get if you don’t graduate?”
— Andi Smith on high school graduation gifts
“You’re 17. You don’t have a bully. You have a year to react before it’s a felony.”
— Aida Rodriguez on her daughter’s bully
“My girlfriend asked ‘would you take a bullet for me?’ and I said ‘yes, because I want out of this relationship.’”
— Joe Machi on relationships
“My favorite food is buffet.”
— Lachlan Patterson on buffets
“My friends are always trying to get me to go day drinking. They’re like ‘hey, man, let’s do some day drinking! I’m like ‘sure, I love going to bed at 7pm. Let’s party. I like sleeping with my clothes on. Day drinking!”
— David Waite on friends
“I know I’m getting older because I just got my first piece of Turquoise jewelry.”
— Dana Eagle on getting older
“Who the hell puts chicken in an omelet? That’s not breakfast, that’s a vendetta.”
— Jimmy Shubert on eating healthy