Let’s talk about the Grumpy Cat movie

Grumpy Cat

Yes, there’s a Grumpy Cat movie. Of course there is. This barrel has no bottom. If I had a time machine, I’d go back in time to 1940 and tell my grandfather that in the 21st century, a cat with a stupid face would be more famous than any author in the world. Then hopefully he’d go on to work on the nuclear bomb and wipe out civilization.

A quick introduction, if you haven’t been paying attention: that creature above is named Tardar Sauce. She’s afflicted with “feline dwarfism,” giving her face a perpetually crabby expression. And she just won “Meme Of The Year” at the 2013 Webby Awards, which might be the most embarrassing thing ever. Photos of the cat have been viewed a bazillion times, and her owner actually left her job just to manage the animal’s “online presence.” They even hired a “meme manager.” Do you think I’m making that up? I’m not making that up.

Grumpy Cat has already appeared in one movie – the 2012 documentary Lil Bub & Friendz – but now the big Hollywood money is calling, and a feature film is being developed around the animal. Deadline has the scoop on the flick, which is being developed by producer Todd Garner. Let’s look at his IMDB page, shall we?

2011 Jack and Jill (producer)

2011 Zookeeper (producer)

2009 Paul Blart: Mall Cop (producer)

Oh, Jesus Christ. Man who has made life’s work of producing utter garbage comes to you, says “I want to make some garbage with your cat,” and you just sign on the dotted line and run with it? I realize that Grumpy Cat is eventually going to die, but that doesn’t mean you should milk your pet for every penny while she’s still alive. You’ve already made plenty of money off of a creature that just wants your loving care, you don’t need to exploit the poor creature any more.

The dumbest part of this whole deal? The flick is supposed to be a Garfield-esque comedy adventure in which Tardar Sauce will talk (wise money is on either Adam Sandler or Kevin James doing the voice). Which means they’ll have to use CGI to animate the cat’s mouth. And the whole point of the funny pictures of this cat is that they’re not edited by computer. So taking that away leaves… what? Just another dumb-ass idea.