Not a motion picture. A picture that somebody drew. Because this is the world we live in. So we’re already at the event horizon for making movies about stupid crap, with Ouija and Hungry Hungry Hippos films on the way (remember?), but never let it be said that Hollywood can’t sink further. The Hollywood Reporter just announced that New Line Cinema has picked up a movie pitch based on… a drawing. Posted on Deviantart. Here it is.
Okay, sure, that’s… that’s not a bad drawing. The creator, Alex Panagopoulos, posted the work in question in 2006 and it quickly went viral with motivational text posted underneath it. And I guess that’s enough of a reason to make it into a movie, right? The Rock is set to co-produce it with Beau Flynn, who last worked together on Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. Yeah, I hadn’t really heard of it either because The Rock makes so many Goddamn movies right now. Seriously, I get that you want to be Hulk Hogan without the male pattern baldness and embarrassing sex tapes, but it’s time to slow up before you hit Santa With Muscles territory.
This is obviously spurred in part by the success of Ted, but let’s be honest with each other: Ted didn’t make a ton of money because it starred a teddy bear. It made a ton of money because the Family Guy wrote and directed it. So a super-serious take (which is what New Line is rumored to be doing) with broad audience appeal just seems like a recipe for another Gooby to me – earnest schlock that will sink like a stone.
The good news from all this is that it means a big-screen adaptation of my Sonic The Hedgehog / Rocko’s Modern Life explicit sex art is that much closer. Fax me if you’re interested in getting the rights before a bidding war starts.