Typically the Amish are a punchline; their way of life makes very little sense to most people, they look different than us and hey, they don’t even know we’re making fun unless we’re doing it right in front of them! But the Amish also do some things very, very right. Let’s take a look.
In Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, there’s, let’s just say, an abundance of wood. And the Amish are experts, paying special attention to wood grain, type of wood, durability and look. Now if we could only get them to sell it online.
7. Shielding Themselves From the Internet
That means no Twitter, no Facebook, and no YouTube. Even if they are unaware of anything outside of their tiny slice of the world, in this way, they are a more advanced human being than the rest of us.
6. Beard Attack
In Amish country, men must engage in beard growery without restriction. When Amish men decide not to turn the other cheek and get in a scuffle they will cut the beard of thine enemy, which causes a great deal of shame. As cool as the phrase (I’ve coined) “Beard Attack” is, it’s considered a hate crime since men’s beards are a symbol of their devotion to God, which is… not cool.
This word is hilarious. Case closed. But we’ll get into what it means anyway. This is the term for Amish adolescence in which they are treated leniently by being allowed to leave their community and go buck wild in the outside world. Booze, electricity, sex, McDonald’s, whatever. After, they decide whether to come back to their community or leave it for good. If they stay, they’re baptized and held to a very high standard of Amishness. If they leave, they get to shop at Best Buy.
4. Sweet Rides
The Amish may not drive cars, but who said they can’t pimp their horse-and-buggy out with sick stuff like headlights, turn signals and religious imagery?
3. They’re Exclusive
It’s not like the Jehovah’s Witnesses – you not only won’t be asked to join the Amish, you’ll probably get beard smacked right off the farm. There are only about 180K Amish in America and unlike Uncle Sam, they don’t want you.
2. They’re the Ultimate Hipsters
Organic, GMO-free, all-natural, seasonal, local, foraged, anti-oxidant-rich; these are now buzzwords thrown around by food companies and your hipster friends (yes, you have them even if you think you don’t) alike. But the Amish are the original hipsters, shunning all of these things. And what do they have to show for it? Very few food allergies, asthma, and ADHD, and otherwise, pretty good health. Nice.
1. The Food
I tried shoofly pie once and it was so good I saw into another dimension. Add to that Amish specialties like: chicken, corn, and dumpling soup; birch and root beer; apple butter; bacon gravy; pretzels; (and god help us) whoopie pies, and you’ve got a fully-realized, seriously delicious cuisine that needs to make its way into the collective consciousness of America if it knows what’s good for it.