There are simply too many ‘WTF’ stories to come out of Florida every week for me to report on in real-time, that’s why today I’ll be introducing a weekly round-up of WTFlorida.
Florida man discovers it’s legal to ride sharks, becomes cowboy of the seas
A fishing charter captain from the gulf coast happened upon a 30-foot whale shark last week, which naturally led to him hopping on its back and taking it for a ride. Video below:
After posting this incident to social media and being flooded with naysayers, he later found it no laws were broken, to which he responded: “Redemption for all the nay sayers that said I was illegal.”
450-pound Florida man arrested for hiding marijuana in his fat folds
‘The obese man explained to cops he was too big to wear a seat belt. The officer noticed both the driver and his passenger were “acting nervous” when being questioned during the traffic stop.’
A K-9 unit was then brought in & proceeded to find 23 grams of the sticky icky, $7k in cash, and a HANDGUN. More details here.
Man calls 911, gets transferred to voicemail, proceeds to shoot armed robber
A Florida man shot one of four armed robbers at his home when 911 accidentally transferred him to voicemail, according to FOX 13.
Florida woman arrested has MOST FLORIDA name ever
Only in Florida would someone actually be named ‘Crystal Meth.’ It truly is a magical place. More details on the above story here.
Florida man accidentally shoots himself (again), tries to blame robbers (again)
It’s got to be pretty damn embarrassing to if you accidentally shoot yourself. I’m just making assumptions here, but I’d presume that you’re probably someone who’s pro-gun rights, given that you’re shooting an actual gun…therefore, when you fux up and prove that people make mistakes & guns are dangerous, you don’t want anybody to know. Well, ‘Florida Man’ was embarrassed enough to blamed it on robbers the first time he accidentally shot himself…but wait, there’s more…
Detectives determined Bonfiglio shot himself, most likely accidentally, and made up the story to cover his mistake.
He was arrested on charges of Filing a False Police Report and Violation of Probation and held at the Charlotte County Jail without bond.
Florida woman holds family captive, threatens cops with ‘voodoo’ curse
Who knew there were voodoo witch doctors amongst us? Well, anyone who’s spent any time whatsoever in the greater Miami-Dade County area certainly did… So it shouldn’t come as a shock last week that a woman threatened cops with a ‘voodoo curse’ after she was arrested. What should however come as a shock is that she was holding her family captive and threatening them with a deadly machete! Details of the incident can be found here on the Palm Beach Post.
Florida man paints his house as a gigantic ‘Murican flag after city keeps harassing him
What happens when Florida Man is backed in to a corner by city code officers that keep harassing him? He goes ‘MURICA ALL OVER THEIR A$$ES of course, and paints his house as a massive ‘Murican flag! Details here on Barstool Sports.
Florida dude cuts open the side of his truck to save helpless kitten
What happened when Erran Frazier of Vero Beach heard the faint sounds of a tiny kitten coming from within his truck? He went chop shop all up on dat beast, sliced open the side of his Chevy pickup, and rescued the goddamn kitten! That’s what f*cking happened! Because we gentlemen from Florida aren’t all pill-popping, machete-wielding psychos. Some of us care about animals. More details on this Floridian hero here from AutoBlog.
Guy says he thought hydrocodone was ibuprofen, claims some fat chick gave it to him
When Hernando County deputies showed up to investigate a disturbance & noticed things were awry, they searched the house for marijuana and eventually found a hydrocodone pill (prescription pain pill). The unruly Florida bro responded with: “A fat bitch gave me that pill because my teeth hurt and I thought it was ibuprofen.” More can be found about that here on the Hernando Daily News.
Single mom in Florida kidnaps her child to avoid vaccinations & Black History Month
The onion-esque levels of crazy here run too deep for even my native-Floridian brain to fathom. But to start, this lady a) became so enraptured with ‘The Confederacy’ that she wanted to avoid her child ever learning about Black History Month, and b) didn’t want her child to get vaccinated.
Actually, I take back what I just said, this seems on par with the levels of crazy we’ve come to expect from the Sunshine State. For full details on just how dangerously ignorant this woman is you can head on over to Gawker or the Sun Sentinel to read more.