Traffic in America is getting worse every year, but drivers have always been consistently shitty. Have you ever wondered why every time you get in your car you seem to be the only competent one out there? It's because everyone has a different idea of what the rules of the road and what appropriate displays of consideration and frustration are. In the spirit of holding up a big middle finger to your daily commute, here's a list of all the different drivers that piss us off.
Photo credit: thienzieyung, Flickr
Who are they? Grandma and grandpa, sitting on a stack of encyclopedias so they can see over the steering wheel and not recognizing the irony in the fact that they have very little time left in life and should be driving FASTER to make up for it and not slower.
What do they do? A complete stop with a 10 second shut down period at every stop sign, drive 35 in a 55, drive enormous cars with a wide-ass turn radius.
Photo credit: Old driver image by Shutterstock
Who are they? Jackasses who text, change DVDs for their screaming children, or program their GPS' as if they're not also driving at the same time.
What do they do? Drift into your lane, not notice stop signs (stoptional!), drift off the road into a ditch.
Photo credit: Texting driver image by Shutterstock
Who are they? This is the type of driver that you'll see doing one inconsiderate thing and then can immediately expect them to perform other thoughtless acts in quick succession. It's about them and the road and screw everyone else.
What do they do? Cut you off, double park on a street that is clearly not wide enough for it, speed up and pass you just to slow down in front of you, conveniently forget to put on their turn signal every single time.
Photo credit: Inconsiderate driver image by Shutterstock
Who are they? This is the type of person that doesn't realize that the blinker is the first form of communication between cars, rather than shining brights, cutting them off, honking, or just crashing right into them to make a point.
What do they do? No kidding, these disgruntled reactionaries may try to end your life vehicular manslaughter-style if you do anything to set off that seething cauldron of anger within. If not, they'll at least give you the bird as hard as they possibly can.
Photo credit: Angry driver image by Shutterstock
Who are they? These are inexperienced drivers we forget that we weren't so different from in the past, so we can hate on them in the present.
What do they do? Drive sloppily, but with slow and meticulous detail. If you're going to be in unsafe driving situations caused by unskilled newbies, you should at least be able to fly through them with sound-barrier-breaking-cheek-flapping speed.
Photo credit: Student driver image by Shutterstock
Who are they? Grizzled middle-aged dudes with leather jackets on big bikes or less-grizzled, younger guys on smaller bikes.
What do they do? Make us jealous by weaving in an out of gridlocked traffic, rev their engines unnecessarily, irritating everyone within earshot, or block traffic by fanning out into tandem eagle formation. 'Merica.
Photo credit: Motorcyclist image by Shutterstock
Who are they? People who are employed. For about 10% of us, that's enough to hate them.
What do they do? Drive around in enormous vehicles making everything from passing to making good time tougher on all us drivers with normal-sized vehicles.
Photo credit: Semi truck image by Shutterstock
Who are they? Finally, you've found someone who "gets it." They are "you" behind the wheel and yet, they're not. Unfortunately, this makes driving around them a nightmare.
What do they do? This can make a highway trip unbearable because you're constantly passing and getting behind each other with no end in sight.
Photo credit: Man driving image by Shutterstock
Who are they? Idiots. They're all idiots.
What do they do? They rubberneck, they slow down too much when cops are already giving a ticket to someone else (I guarantee you he's not just gonna hop back in his cruiser and track you down because he is working and busy at the moment), get into accidents, get in your way, slow down at green lights and speed up to red ones, cause traffic, and generally make your life a never ending hellish blur of pavement, steel and sky.
Photo credit: Woman driving image by Shutterstock
(Previously published on October 31, 2011.)