This morning, umpire Brad Meyers woke up a large bruise on his genitalia. I know this because I saw a ball travel 70mph straight into his penis. I know this because oh God, don’t watch this guys.
That’s not your garden variety nut shot. That’s the Bull’s-eye, that’s the money shot. That’s one where you lose feeling for several weeks and oh God, why did I post this. Poor ump. Somebody get that dude all the ice packs. And morphine too. Oxy if you have it.
Let’s make him as comfortable as possible.