8 of the worst people on airplanes

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No one likes air travel; it’s cramped, the air pressure makes everyone fart and delays are rampant. But what makes it worse are the terrible people you’ll find invading your privacy, encroaching on your space and generally making your trip suck. Here are some of the most miserable bastards you’ll find up in your plane. Did we miss any?

8 The Fat Person

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This blob of human desolation really shouldn’t be shamed for what he or she is…unless of course, they’re on a plane. If you’re sitting next to one, you’ll have a nicely twisted spine by the end of the trip from trying to avoid the excess elbow fat that spilled over into your personal space.

7 The Old Woman

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The old woman is obliviously content with blocking everyone from leaving the plane because she can’t remember which bag is hers. Here’s a hint: it’s the old lady bag. Someone needs to put her on a bus or a boat instead.

6 The Person Who Doesn’t Know How the Bathroom Door Works

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Green means vacant, red means occupied; you only need to learn this once. And when you get in there, don’t forget to fucking lock it.

5 The Woman Who Won’t Shut the Fuck Up

Oh my god, shut your hag mouth. You’re loud and you’re in an enclosed space. Please be aware of your surroundings otherwise I will commandeer this baby and dive us as hard as I can into the Earth’s core.

4 The Flight Attendant

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Okay, to be honest they’re also the best people on the plane, but when they have that drink cart out and they’re blocking you from getting to the bathroom or breaking into the cockpit, they’re also the worst.

3 The Crying Baby

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Parents, you need to get your baby a muzzle. We know you love them, but we do not. Someone please make it stop.

2 The Pilot

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Okay, so the pilot is really awesome because they get you to where you’re going alive, right? Sure, but why do they all say “uhhhh” between every word and speak in that same zonked out tone? What is the conspiracy behind this?

1 Everyone Around You

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The people in front of you all get off the plane first, the people behind you are giving you that look as if you’re the sole reason they aren’t getting off, and the guy beside you sleep-drooled all over your shoulder the entire flight. Everyone that isn’t you or someone you’re traveling with is your enemy.