9 Things Men Absolutely Need In A Relationship

Sex for sex’s sake is fun and everything, but eventually everyone needs love. Sustaining love. Passionate love. Love that makes you a grilled cheese with aged cheddar and gruyere the morning after Super Bowl Sunday with the fellas.

But in order to get this kinda love you’re gonna have to work. You gotta be true, you gotta be legit, you gotta be masculine and you have to be serious about giving the love you want returned to you.

None of this stuff matters if you’re a sockpuppethead asshole who enjoys humping and dumping chicks for sport. Take your bullshit low self-esteeem-having ass elsewhere until you figure out what it means to be a man that truly loves a woman. When you figure it out, come back here and learn you some shit, bro.


You are a man. The testosterone that makes you hairy like a lumberjack is the same thing that gets you tossed out of the titty bar for grabbin’ on the girly bits. A woman that would enter into a romantic relationship with you needs to understand that sex is a massive part of how you express yourself emotionally.

Women tend to get it twisted and think that you’re in the relationship because ‘you just want her for sex.’ As such, she wants to make sure that you love her for other shit too. Thing is, you already do love her for all that other shit because ‘you just want HER for sex’ not anyone else. If she’s a real woman, that’s flattering as fuck and enough encouragement for her to throw you a bone a few times a week.

Has a good attitude

Finding a girl with a good attitude is probably the hardest one in here. Why? Because except for gas being cheaper than it’s been in years, the world is kinda shitty right now. And despite the fact that student loans are weighing on your head, your mom’s pressuring you to settle down and your job is nowhere near where you wanted your career to be you maintain a good attitude about it all. Don’t go out and date a girl that can’t keep at least as positive an outlook on life as you can. Lewis Black is funny ‘n’ shit, but you don’t wanna marry his real life female equivalent, do you? Well…if she’s as rich as he is I can understand making an exception.

Keeps a clean home

Yeah, I know it’s not 1847 and a man can keep his own house in order. But when a woman works with you to maintain that home it produces a beautiful relationship vibe that lets a fella know that his children are safe in her care. Look, bro. Sex is cool and everything and chasing tail has its fun, but if you’re dating it’s because you, eventually, want to get married. So focus on chicks that look like they know how to keep their place looking as good as you do. If you can’t keep your place clean, start figuring it out. You want your future love to treat you like a man, not like she’s your mom.

Cool with leaving us the fuck alone

It’s not that your girl doesn’t have interesting things to say. It’s just that sometimes we don’t have anything to say. We’re not angry. We’re not playing games. We’re not trying to steal away time to talk to some other girl. Sometimes we just want to be left alone to pursue our own shit. Video games. Time with our friends. Reading. Redditing. These are all things we may enjoy doing alone. A good woman understands that a man doesn’t have to be all up under you to be in love with you.

Has hobbies she pursues

You know those times when you want to be left alone to do your own shit? It’d be cool if she had her own stuff too. Whether it’s gathering Pinterest recipes, sewing stuff, building RC cars, gardening, or hustling at the poker table at the casino, she has something she can do that doesn’t have to have anything to do with you.

She actually cares about YOUR day

Ain’t it cool when a woman that can ask you about your day and actually care? If there’s a problem, she has insight to offer. If there’s a difficulty she has a comforting word. And she doesn’t just relate the things you say back to her, she listens to you because she’s interested in your personal comfort and growth in the context of the relationship. That, alone, is almost worth a month’s salary on a glittery bauble.

She doesn’t put a lot of stock in social media

If your woman has to Facebook, tweet and/or Instagram every place, meal and adventure you guys undertake, beware. Social media is great for keeping up with friends and family and seeing what they’re up to and thinking and other random shit. But social media does not, a life, define. Getting 20+ likes for something you did doesn’t justify its happening. So if your chick is more interested in taking Facebook selfies than in just enjoying the walk through the ancient ruins of Macu Picchu with you, she may be more into the projection of your relationship than the romance itself.

She can put her phone down

Have you ever seen that one couple at the restaurant? You know ‘em. They’re dressed up, looking sweet and sitting across from each other over a beautifully ornate table with fine linens in their lap. And instead of talking to each other or relishing in the promise of a passionate evening…they’re on their phones? Yeah. Don’t be that guy. And don’t date someone that likes being that girl. When you’re in front of her, her attention is on you. And when her phone rings she doesn’t have to check it to know whether she’ll get it later. She just leaves it the fuck alone. Gorgeous.

Makes fitness a priority

You ever see the look a girl gives you when you put on a fitted shirt and it looks goooood? You haven’t? Then start working out, salty. Not only does it help you look awesome, but it extends the quality of life you’ll have into old age. Likewise, you should pick a chick that values this as well. If true love is to last, having healthy bodies will go a long way towards making that path easier to tread as you build your life together. Plus, being fit makes your sex hotter. So pick up the fucking dumbbell for goodness’ sake.