America’s Ten Freest States Have Been Revealed And Aren’t You Pissed You’re Living In A Place With Laws?

America is the land of the free, but recently that axiom seems to be ringing fucking hollow. Perhaps that’s because I live in New York, which today topped the Cato Institute’s rankings as the least free state in the nation.

I would fucking second that shit in a heartbeat. A couple months ago, I went to my favorite bar in Williamsburg. It’s a spot that you can walk into and they’ll serve you a big ass beer that you can take to the park across the street. But thanks to a recent ban on insulated styrofoam cups, they served me my gigantic to-go beer in a paper cup.

You know what doesn’t fucking keep your beer cold? A paper cup. No, instead it gets soggy and flimsy and just generally shitty. But styrofoam cups are allegedly bad for the environment (whatever that is), so now my right to keep my fucking to-go beer cold has been severely infringed upon.

And that’s just the beginning of the myriad of bullshit that goes with living in this state. Every year I owe taxes, despite having the highest withholding possible. A pack of cigarettes costs more than my monthly paycheck. If I carry an unregistered handgun in this city, I’m looking at a mandatory two years in prison.

It’s a fucking shit state, and rightfully belongs atop the list of least free places.

But what are the freest states? Where should I live?

Every year, the Cato Institute looks at America’s 50 states to find which is the freest. It analyzes a great number of factors including shit like: tax policy, regulations on free speech, and health insurance options. It even delves into the esoteric, like if states regulate keg sales and happy hours, or allow physician-assisted suicide. It’s surprisingly thorough, and you can see the whole list of criteria here.

So which states should you be living in?

First is New Hampshire. Live free or die really is ingrained into them.

New Hampshire is overall the freest state in the Union, combining relatively high scores on both personal and economic freedom.

Fuck yea.

Alaska, Oklahoma, Indiana, and South Dakota round out the top five, followed by Tennessee, Idaho, Florida, Iowa, and Arizona.

If you want to customize the perfect level of freedom for yourself, (cough cough marijuana laws, sex with your sister), you can do that, too, with their calculator.

[Via The Blaze]