This Genius Spent The Weekend In Jail For Giving A Cop A Double Wet Willy

Finger fucking another adult’s ear is a dangerous game. Especially if that other adult in question is a police officer who is probably already on edge because he’s standing outside of a bar at closing time ready to pounce on drunk idiots looking to do drunk idiot things. That didn’t stop Riley Louis Swearingen, a 24-year-old from Goldsboro, NC, from sneaking up behind that exact officer and have his fingers do the nasty inside of the dude’s ear holes. Oh, and it’s also worth mentioning that Swearingen is currently home on leave from the Air Force.

According to Mankato Free Press

When Swearingen appeared before District Court Judge Kurt Johnson at about 4 p.m. Monday, he explained what happened. He said he had flown to Minnesota from North Carolina because he was supposed to be in a friend’s wedding Saturday night. Swearingen said he and friends had gone out Friday night and were heading home when one of his friends stuck a wet finger in his ear.

“I thought it would be incredibly funny to give a police officer a wet Willy, to which I was sorely mistaken,” Swearingen explained. “I’m incredibly sorry for what I did. I never thought I would be going to jail for the weekend.”

How someone in the military didn’t know this was the poorest of poor ideas is stupefying. I guess what they say is true: ignorance is bliss, or, in this instance, it’s three nights in jail for committing stupidest fucking crime of all time.

[H/T Death and Taxes]